Of course. I want us to understand each other. And if it takes work, well. I'm willing to do that.
[ He pauses. And then decides that this might be easier on MK if he just comes out with a few things. Not everything by any means, but the important bits. ]
...I don't know what you saw in there, things are still pretty fuzzy. Sorry if I repeat what you know already.
The first memory I have is the other monkeys throwing me out of their nest. Then I spent a lot of years learning magic and glamours and then using those powers to hurt others. And then I met Wukong--
He was always away. The rest of our brothers only tolerated my presence because of Wukong's influence.
Then our fight under the mountain, then I was an idiot and died, came back and was an idiot some more. Falling back into that anger because it was what I knew.
--I met you. And you changed everything again.
I know I kept saying that things were complicated, but this is the last time I'm using that word with you. It's not complicated at all: I was afraid of letting you in because I was afraid of being rejected again, so I hid behind that word. I made excuses about my feelings for Wukong. Anything I could cling to that would keep me from risking being hurt again. [ The same fear that led to his brain surgery. ]
I'm done with hiding. I can understand if you need or want boundaries, and I'll accept and respect them. But for my own part, I don't want or need them. At all.
I called you my North Star for a reason. It's a fixed point, a constant, one that the night sky seems to rotate around, and has been used since time began to navigate the world. The sun and moon rise and fall but the North Star is always there, day or night. And I almost messed that up, or maybe I did, because I was afraid.
From being an idiot, I learned that I need you more than I need to cling to my fear. I've got a lot to make up to you, MK. I can only hope that you'll let me try.
Re: 4 - regular MK, but after some time
[ He pauses. And then decides that this might be easier on MK if he just comes out with a few things. Not everything by any means, but the important bits. ]
...I don't know what you saw in there, things are still pretty fuzzy. Sorry if I repeat what you know already.
The first memory I have is the other monkeys throwing me out of their nest. Then I spent a lot of years learning magic and glamours and then using those powers to hurt others. And then I met Wukong--
He was always away. The rest of our brothers only tolerated my presence because of Wukong's influence.
Then our fight under the mountain, then I was an idiot and died, came back and was an idiot some more. Falling back into that anger because it was what I knew.
--I met you. And you changed everything again.
I know I kept saying that things were complicated, but this is the last time I'm using that word with you. It's not complicated at all: I was afraid of letting you in because I was afraid of being rejected again, so I hid behind that word. I made excuses about my feelings for Wukong. Anything I could cling to that would keep me from risking being hurt again. [ The same fear that led to his brain surgery. ]
I'm done with hiding. I can understand if you need or want boundaries, and I'll accept and respect them. But for my own part, I don't want or need them. At all.
I called you my North Star for a reason. It's a fixed point, a constant, one that the night sky seems to rotate around, and has been used since time began to navigate the world. The sun and moon rise and fall but the North Star is always there, day or night. And I almost messed that up, or maybe I did, because I was afraid.
From being an idiot, I learned that I need you more than I need to cling to my fear. I've got a lot to make up to you, MK. I can only hope that you'll let me try.