dreamsofwings: (36)
Eren Jaeger ([personal profile] dreamsofwings) wrote in [community profile] seasonsgreetings 2024-04-05 11:17 pm (UTC)

Eren knows better now how to get under people's skin, how to get them to respond to him, to do what he wants. Not really for the better; he's never been good at figuring that out, but certainly for the worse. But being better at it doesn't make him, say, on Armin's level.

Mostly Eren is just good at pissing people off until they fight him. That's usually what he wants. It hadn't quite worked with Reiner, nearly a year ago. Reiner had kissed him, not hit him, and now they were…

He shoves that back out of his head. Thinking about Reiner while looking at Bertholdt makes him feel some kind of emotion he's not sure how to name. Anyway, is this even happening? This place…is it real? It feels real enough, but Eren is used to the surreal so maybe he just adjusts better.

Bertholdt doesn't come at him. Eren wasn't purposefully trying to get him to, but he wouldn't complain if it happened. Bertholdt isn't likely to use the Colossal at the drop of a hat. He's not all that likely to start swinging either, though, which is probably better for both of them.

Eren when he doesn't care if he loses is sometimes worse than when he's hellbent on winning.

You were never devils, Bertholdt says, and Eren looks almost shocked, anger giving way to surprise. He's so used to knowing what to expect that something like that, an admission he never imagined he'd hear, catches him off guard.

He wants to laugh. Eren, the devil of Paradis, was always just that. Bertholdt doesn't know. Will Reiner tell him? Maybe someday. Maybe someone else will. Maybe Eren will tell him, in a fit of pique or anger or despair or just to rub it in because sometimes he's shitty like that. He's not above throwing the destruction of Liberio in someone's face.

The Rumbling, the end of the world, he doesn't gloat about that (other than that comment about winning, anyway, rage to cover loss).

"We were just people," he answers at last. "You were just kids. I don't forgive you. But Marley used you as weapons. You were just disposable trash to them, no matter what they said about Warriors."

He says this with the same conviction he always has. Eren's view is biased against Marley, sure, but it was still pretty fucked up the way they raised kids to be titans who would die barely into adulthood. In a way, Eren is kind of relieved that Bertholdt isn't brainwashed the way Reiner is. He's not standing here defending Marley and spouting propaganda. At least there's that.

He nods, once.

"Yeah. Someone had to. Reiner. You. Me. None of us can ever make up for any of it, even if you were just pawns for Marley."

Eren also won't apologise. He's not in the habit of it even when he should, but as many lies as he's told, he's never once said he's sorry when he didn't mean it. Eren's guilt is a nebulous sort of thing. There are things he's sorry for that weren't his fault. There are things that he wants to be sorry for and can't. He is not — will never be — sorry for the world, though it is unforgivable, though many of them were innocent people who didn't deserve to die. But Eren has always weighed a few lives above all the rest. Half a dozen people on Paradis above the world. Armin above Bertholdt, above Erwin. That's just how it is.

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