Eren unfolds himself a little more, gets his feet all the way on the ground. He leans his head back and stares up at the ceiling, not really seeing it.

He remembers that first day in Marley, in a town he had already seen in his memories, a town full of people and life and full of blood and ruin. It was always the same, both existing at once. He could never appreciate it. Even when he saved that kid, he didn't know why. What was ever the point?

That was the last time he'd really cried, he thinks. He hadn't wanted to go through with it. He'd looked for one last out, putting it unfairly on Mikasa. But he always knew what would come next. He was always going to leave.

He wonders, for the first time since then, if his mother would hate him for what he will do. Has done. She would be right to. Even if in some twisted way, it's for her or about her, even if Eren is still her son somewhere underneath his rage, of course she would never agree with the Rumbling.

He vaguely marks the noise in the kitchen, the tea being made. Levi eventually comes back with cups and Eren lifts his head and takes one.

"Thanks," he says, a bit hollow, but at least he said it. He managed to keep some of his manners in tact through all of it, really. Even yelling at Hange, he'd still respected them in his own way. He'd never been exactly rude to the higher ups who he actually respected.

"This is such bullshit," he says. Which part? Doesn't matter. His own head. His own decisions. The rain fucking with him, tearing down his carefully constructed apathy, his acceptance of the hell he would bring to everyone in the world. It isn't that he second-guesses it. He can't, really. It's already done. Even if he never leaves this place, all of that was over before he ever consciously knew it. It's just the emotional aspect of it that's messy now.

"Do you remember when you first came to this world? I never thought I'd see your face again."