Gabi thought her suggestion might help Reiner find some sort of closure, but she really should've known better - she's already seen what his time on Paradis did to him. All of it is probably much, much more raw and painful for him right now. He's just not in a spot where he can even know that closure is something to look for. It's so terribly easy to see how the shaking teenager next to her becomes a broken man, begging for death in just a short few years.
She beats down the temptation to just throw her arms around him and insist, no, that's not true!, try and take away his guilt, convince him that he deserves to live without it. Part of her really, really wants to tell him that he does, in a way, get to see Marcel and fight beside him one more time. But she knows that if she starts that right now, she won't be able to stop and she's determined to not spill everything about the future on him before he's ready. More to the point, she doesn't think it would help that much. She doesn't have as thorough of a relationship with guilt as Reiner does, but she got pretty acclimated with it the last three years. 'It's not your fault' could be a pretty damn weak salve if you weren't in the right place to hear it.
"Reiner...."
She does, however, fail to beat the urge to wrap her arms around him. Or at least as far around him as she can get them. She buries her head into her shoulder. She can't stop the tears from coming to her own eyes either. It just hurts too much, seeing him like this. But she forces herself to keep talking, through the tears.
"...I...I never got the chance to meet Marcel. But. I heard about him - f-from Galliard-san and Pieck-san...they said that he was." She takes in a breath, bringing an arm up to her eyes and wiping her tears. "They said that he was a natural leader. That he was reliable and cared about everyone around him..." She let out a breath. "The truth is. I'm sorry I could never meet him, but. I'm grateful to him. I'm really grateful to him for saving you."
It felt awful saying that. That she was grateful that Marcel had gotten eaten by a Titan. But the idea of her cousin being gone and never seeing him again felt worse.
"...I don't wanna ask you to leave him here." Because that wouldn't be fair. Not all at once, anyway. He can't leave Marcel in this hole in the ground anymore than Gabi can leave Sasha Braus on that airship. She knows that. "But...can I ask you to please not feel like you have to be him for other people anymore? Not for Annie or Bertolt or anybody else. I'm sorry he's gone. But I don't want you to feel like you have to be someone else, to make up for something..."
She held onto him as tight as she could, tears flowing freely again.
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Gabi thought her suggestion might help Reiner find some sort of closure, but she really should've known better - she's already seen what his time on Paradis did to him. All of it is probably much, much more raw and painful for him right now. He's just not in a spot where he can even know that closure is something to look for. It's so terribly easy to see how the shaking teenager next to her becomes a broken man, begging for death in just a short few years.
She beats down the temptation to just throw her arms around him and insist, no, that's not true!, try and take away his guilt, convince him that he deserves to live without it. Part of her really, really wants to tell him that he does, in a way, get to see Marcel and fight beside him one more time. But she knows that if she starts that right now, she won't be able to stop and she's determined to not spill everything about the future on him before he's ready. More to the point, she doesn't think it would help that much. She doesn't have as thorough of a relationship with guilt as Reiner does, but she got pretty acclimated with it the last three years. 'It's not your fault' could be a pretty damn weak salve if you weren't in the right place to hear it.
"Reiner...."
She does, however, fail to beat the urge to wrap her arms around him. Or at least as far around him as she can get them. She buries her head into her shoulder. She can't stop the tears from coming to her own eyes either. It just hurts too much, seeing him like this. But she forces herself to keep talking, through the tears.
"...I...I never got the chance to meet Marcel. But. I heard about him - f-from Galliard-san and Pieck-san...they said that he was." She takes in a breath, bringing an arm up to her eyes and wiping her tears. "They said that he was a natural leader. That he was reliable and cared about everyone around him..." She let out a breath. "The truth is. I'm sorry I could never meet him, but. I'm grateful to him. I'm really grateful to him for saving you."
It felt awful saying that. That she was grateful that Marcel had gotten eaten by a Titan. But the idea of her cousin being gone and never seeing him again felt worse.
"...I don't wanna ask you to leave him here." Because that wouldn't be fair. Not all at once, anyway. He can't leave Marcel in this hole in the ground anymore than Gabi can leave Sasha Braus on that airship. She knows that. "But...can I ask you to please not feel like you have to be him for other people anymore? Not for Annie or Bertolt or anybody else. I'm sorry he's gone. But I don't want you to feel like you have to be someone else, to make up for something..."
She held onto him as tight as she could, tears flowing freely again.
"I just need you to be you, Reiner."