Likewise, Eren doesn't really consider the lives around him as valuable as he should. He doesn't actively want to kill these people. They don't deserve to die. Would they all come back? He has no idea, but that's not part of whatever calculation he's making. It would fuck up his life more to kill them than it would to not kill them. If they're going to throw down as titans, it shouldn't be here, even if it means taking the disadvantage that would come with a fistfight. Not that he's picking one, he's just…you know, there's always the possibility that he gives up on talking or one of them goes across the table. Violence is an easy answer.
There is anger on his face at those words.
Blame your ancestors for abandoning us.
"Don't recite that bullshit at me. Now who doesn't know anything about history?" he says. He can feel his jaw clench. It isn't Reiner's fault that he doesn't know. It isn't Reiner's fault that he parrots back whatever trash Marley fed him, half truths designed to pit them against each other forever, designed to make the Eldians trapped under Marley's control stay there and hate themselves about it.
"I am tired of paying for what our ancestors did or didn't do."
At least that is entirely true. All of this, two thousand fucking years of it that led them here, that will lead to more and more death, that will lead to someone he loves having to kill him, the sins of their ancestors.
But not my ancestors. Our ancestors. They're the same. Even if Reiner will never see it, and even if they stay enemies forever, their bloodline was always the same anyway.
He could let himself get angrier, fly off the handle and ruin whatever they might have (it's nothing, right, it can't ever be anything), but…he's saved for the moment because he is listening. He hears every single word, blood boiling with it until it isn't.
I care about you.
Present tense.
Damnit. All of this is so stupidly complicated. Eren's not even sure how he feels. All his hatred lingers, twists inside him as it has for years. But it's still not Reiner's fault, not really. In the end, it's still Marley that he hates, Marley and the rest of the world who were so afraid of their ancestors that they did all of this to them. Eren doesn't see himself as a victim; he sees their whole bloodline as victims.
He knows they weren't always, but what does that matter? The people alive in their generation weren't responsible for the atrocities from thousands of years ago. They can all hate Eren for all his atrocities. But somewhere, it has to end. Isn't that why he can't go home? If he goes home, he still has to make this all end, and there is never going to be another answer.
"No," he says, and his voice is even again. "It doesn't change anything. And I don't want an apology."
He raises an eyebrow at that last part, though. That's interesting, Reiner just saying it outright like that. Eren could play coy, pretend he has no idea, choose anger and violence and tragedy like he has done over and over since he was a child.
Or he could choose those things on other terms, maybe, in other ways. That's a lot more attractive than anger, than regret, than the confusion of the time between them and the things they do and do not know.
He puts his elbow on the table and leans his chin on his hand. There will be blood on his face, just a little, from the healed cuts his nails caused. He doesn't look at all casual; it's too late to get his composure back and he knows it but he pretends at it anyway.
"Is that why you came with me?" Eren asks, and this time he's the one staring at Reiner's mouth instead of the other way around. They don't really need to keep going; technically he got the answer he wanted, or he thinks he did. He has a better idea of when in time Reiner is, a better idea of what information he could play against him later if he needs or wants to.
That's not all he needs or wants, though, and if Reiner isn't going to hide it then why should Eren?
no subject
There is anger on his face at those words.
Blame your ancestors for abandoning us.
"Don't recite that bullshit at me. Now who doesn't know anything about history?" he says. He can feel his jaw clench. It isn't Reiner's fault that he doesn't know. It isn't Reiner's fault that he parrots back whatever trash Marley fed him, half truths designed to pit them against each other forever, designed to make the Eldians trapped under Marley's control stay there and hate themselves about it.
"I am tired of paying for what our ancestors did or didn't do."
At least that is entirely true. All of this, two thousand fucking years of it that led them here, that will lead to more and more death, that will lead to someone he loves having to kill him, the sins of their ancestors.
But not my ancestors. Our ancestors. They're the same. Even if Reiner will never see it, and even if they stay enemies forever, their bloodline was always the same anyway.
He could let himself get angrier, fly off the handle and ruin whatever they might have (it's nothing, right, it can't ever be anything), but…he's saved for the moment because he is listening. He hears every single word, blood boiling with it until it isn't.
I care about you.
Present tense.
Damnit. All of this is so stupidly complicated. Eren's not even sure how he feels. All his hatred lingers, twists inside him as it has for years. But it's still not Reiner's fault, not really. In the end, it's still Marley that he hates, Marley and the rest of the world who were so afraid of their ancestors that they did all of this to them. Eren doesn't see himself as a victim; he sees their whole bloodline as victims.
He knows they weren't always, but what does that matter? The people alive in their generation weren't responsible for the atrocities from thousands of years ago. They can all hate Eren for all his atrocities. But somewhere, it has to end. Isn't that why he can't go home? If he goes home, he still has to make this all end, and there is never going to be another answer.
"No," he says, and his voice is even again. "It doesn't change anything. And I don't want an apology."
He raises an eyebrow at that last part, though. That's interesting, Reiner just saying it outright like that. Eren could play coy, pretend he has no idea, choose anger and violence and tragedy like he has done over and over since he was a child.
Or he could choose those things on other terms, maybe, in other ways. That's a lot more attractive than anger, than regret, than the confusion of the time between them and the things they do and do not know.
He puts his elbow on the table and leans his chin on his hand. There will be blood on his face, just a little, from the healed cuts his nails caused. He doesn't look at all casual; it's too late to get his composure back and he knows it but he pretends at it anyway.
"Is that why you came with me?" Eren asks, and this time he's the one staring at Reiner's mouth instead of the other way around. They don't really need to keep going; technically he got the answer he wanted, or he thinks he did. He has a better idea of when in time Reiner is, a better idea of what information he could play against him later if he needs or wants to.
That's not all he needs or wants, though, and if Reiner isn't going to hide it then why should Eren?
We're the same, Reiner.
"Maybe that's why I asked."