Seasons Mods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seasonsmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
seasonsgreetings2024-03-15 12:11 am
seasonsmods) wrote in seasonsgreetings2024-03-15 12:11 am
Entry tags:
Event #7: Knocking on the 4th Wall (Inside the Metaverse)
Knocking on the 4th Wall
LOGS | NETWORK | OOC | MEMES | NAVIGATION
On March 14th, everyone received a message. The Research Center is ready to try another test to find ways to beat the Darkness. This time the test is not done with the robots that were previously used, but instead everyone who volunteers will be participating in a virtual reality simulator. They're asked to come over to the Center on March 15th.
The researchers will explain that the purpose of this simulation is to see how several fully powered power holders fair against the Darkness. They have gathered enough data on it and the dark energy in general to determine the effects it will have on nature, monsters and wildlife if the barrier is taken off. This is the only safe way to actually test their theories.
After all the necessary explanations, everyone is asked to log in to the metaverse. Anyone logging in may notice that there are a lot of glitches as they enter.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the city, anyone looking at any kind of a screen (their own device, television, a digital advertisement, etc.) will have their mind sucked into the metaverse, due to the virus residing in the program. Their bodies will be left in a sleep-like state wherever they may be.
The Research Center staff intended for all otherworlders to start near the Research Center so they could get used to the metaverse in peace. There are no natives in the simulator, so testing out powers around the city would have been safe as well. However, because of the glitch, people can appear anywhere, either in the city or anywhere on the segments (save from the one closed off location).
Sometimes the scenery and items in the world glitch a little bit, reminding anyone that this is the metaverse. Except the glitches weren't meant to happen. Luckily they're all mostly aesthetical, but some items may work differently than they should. You have a spoon? It actually works like a fork.
Luckily, this doesn't mean they will be without any items. They can open a menu with the device on their wrist that lets them get anything at all from Riki's Rewards during the simulator without any cost. They can think of this as special opportunity to test out all kinds of items before buying them, as they work exactly the same as they would in normal space.
For some reason, the Shady Shop also appears in the menu. That was not anyone's intention as the items are, well, shady.
Other than the two shops there are basic potion and magical item menus that people can use where needed. Even vehicles, such as airships can be summoned through the menus for easier traveling in the segments.
Some might find the glitches concerning and wish to return and tell the researches about them. The problem with that is is that clicking "Log Off" won't do anything at all, even if it's supposed to boot someone out of the metaverse. But that's not the end of the strange things going on.
Along with the otherworlders that were participating in the test, others start to join in as well due to unforeseen circumstances. Luckily, they have the same "settings" as everyone else, so they're not completely without aid wherever they end up in. They also have all of their powers unlocked for the duration of their stay in the metaverse (including all animal transformations).
As part of the strange glitch going on everyone also has access to any powers from previous worlds, if they have experienced other places before. It would seem the powers can also be shared through the item inventory, should anyone want to temporary use another world's abilities. This is possible with even a person's native powers.
And as if that wasn't enough, people who weren't on Ellipsa start appearing as well. Anyone who doesn't currently have a body on Ellipsa has a mark somewhere on their body, signaling that they're just data. This mark is somehow related to the characters that has it and emits a faint light.
All of the people who are just visiting will also be able to enjoy the metaverse the same way as anyone else. They have been sorted into a Seasons and have access to full powers - and the same item inventory. All that's different from the others is that they have no physical body to return to in this world.
During the metaverse adventures, people are able to communicate through their devices, but the messages will not go out to the "normal" network. So the messages are only between those in the metaverse, but at least the network works the same way as it would in the "normal world".
Happy communicating.
The goal of the metaverse is to have a safe environment to test powers against the Darkness. All of the barriers have been taken out, except for the one surrounding the city of Nightwake. The city acts as a safe haven to anyone who needs a break or doesn't want to fight.
Everyone is encouraged to go to where the barriers used to be and use their full, unlocked powers against everything and anything the darkness throws at them to see how well they can fight against it.
Thanks to all powers being unlocked, destroying enemies powered up by the Darkness is a lot easier, but pushing back the approaching darkness still needs something more than just raw power. Though with enough power holders of different seasons working together and
Due to the barriers being off, all creatures are stronger due to the Darkness's influence. Even creatures that normally have no danger level can now at least do Dark damage. Some Slime especially may seek vengeance.
Unfortunately, due to the weird glitch in the system, everyone inside the metaverse is able to feel pain when they originally weren't supposed to, to make the experience safe. It feels very real, and there's a chance any non-lethal wounds will appear on the person's real body.
The Darkness is slowly expanding from all sides. Very slowly, at a snail's pace. Everything it touches turns into black sand, before transforming into something different. Some may even recognize the things that rise from the sand, as they're monsters, fauna or people from their own world, made into more twisted forms. They may even be creatures from a popular media from back home... or at least, someone's home (players').
If a Power Holder walks into the Darkness, they won't immediately turn into anything. Instead the transformation is slow and painful. Leaving the area will stop the transformation, but any damage already done remains. If the person changes completely, they might lose their sense of self completely and attack anything in their sights.
What they turn into depends on the individual (player's choice) and the only way to reverse the changes is to die. Luckily that isn't permanent even in the metaverse. The person just gets booted out, but can re-enter anytime they want to (or in this case; is forced to). This was told to anyone before entering the program, so they could go all out and test limits as much as they want.
A screen appears either when someone dies or gets forcefully booted out of the metaverse. It has two options: Remember or Forget.
Clicking "Remember" will automatically save everything that happened into a person's memory and proceed to boot them out. Clicking "Forget" will lead the person to a series of "Are you Sure" pop up windows. As the very last resort, the window suggests an option to only partially forget events that transpired in the metaverse. Choosing to still forget everything will make the person wake up from a long, dreamless sleep. The memories erased cannot be found later on, as they have been completely erased from their metaverse-selves. Even someone telling them what happened won't sound familiar.
This option is also available for any visitors during the time they're visiting. Whenever they die they get booted out and can be immediately returned to the metaverse (by the power of players) with or without their memories, depending on what they chose.
Of course, anyone can then tell the person about the very crazy stunts they made the last time they were in the metaverse. They could be complete lies, but they wouldn't have any solid proof, other than "I would never do that".
Finally, on March 31st, a message comes from the outside. It's telling everyone stuck in the metaverse that they can finally leave out of their own will and stay out this time. People can then choose to leave immediately be pressing by pressing the "Log Off" button on their screen or take a moment to say goodbye to the temporary visitors of the metaverse.
The screen asking if someone wants to "Remember" or "Forget" appears, once again. This time the Forget option is even more insistent on asking if the person is sure about their choice, especially since the memories that are erased can't be taken back later.
Once everyone who exists on Ellipsa has returned to their bodies, the metaverse will be shut down. All visitors have been booted out and returned to where they came.
• Ask 4th Wall related questions here. Read the 4th wall FAQ before asking them.
• You don't need to comment on the plotting post to participate & anyone can participate in the 4th wall (there's no separate invitation needed). However, if you wish to app in later, you need an invite if you're not a friend of the mods.
• This post is open to tag and top-level by everyone! Those arriving for the 4th wall can write 4TH WALL or VISITOR on their post and/or link their top level here!
• Check the Opt-in top-level if you're considering bringing in a character that already exists in the game.
• Smut is not allowed on the event post, so if your thread is heading that way, please move it to a separate entry (like to your musebox or characters' journal).
• Remember to content and spoiler warn as necessary!
• Reminder to players in the game that this month is Activity Check-in month and check-in ends on March 31th, at 23:59 PST.
shrimply never apologize
Less people would be dead, but what is nearly three hundred more in the face of thousands?
(It matters because, for a while, he knew those people. It was easy, comparatively, to knock down a wall; it was harder to live amongst the consequences.)
Still, he startles when he hears the voice, pulling his hand away from the brick. The wall is only half repaired; when he pulls his hand back, some of it falls down again, scattering at their feet.
He opens his eyes and when he looks at Eren, it's disconcerting. He knows it's Eren - he won't forget those eyes - but he's all wrong. Taller, longer hair, the way he holds himself is entirely different from the young man who called them murdering hypocrites.
His first thought is to run; his second is to fight. His third is the actual action he takes - there's no reason to fight here, he knows that. Not only is this place not real, but this isn't Paradis, and there's no Marley to return to; even if he defeated Eren here, and now, it changes nothing.
His hand closes into a fist, then deliberately unclenches.
"... It's not the weirdest thing I've done today," is what he settles on telling Eren. He looks ill at ease, but he keeps his gaze on Eren. He can hardly fault Eren for choosing to remind him of his (many) crimes.
no subject
Between his promise to Reiner and his promise to Levi, he won't start a fight unless he has no choice. Anyway, regardless of where they are, he can't take the Colossal in a fight. Bertholdt himself, maybe. But even with the War Hammer…
Hopefully he doesn't have to try, not now and not ever.
When in time are they? What does Bertholdt remember? Is he looking at a boy that he helped kill? Or like Sasha, does he not know any of that yet?
Either way, he doesn't know how much Eren knows. (Just kidding, no one knows how much Eren knows, not even Eren himself.) This is always confusing, but he's more and more used to it. At least with Bertholdt, he feels no need to keep it from him, to spare his feelings. He doesn't just drop the future on people without meaning to (accidental Paths debacle aside), but he keeps knowledge in his pocket as a weapon to wield when he isn't supposed to (allowed to?) fight like he usually would. Maybe this is something Armin is better at doing, but even Armin doesn't know as much as Eren does.
His eyes flick down, catching the movement of Bertholdt's hand into a fist. It doesn't stay like that.
Both of Eren's do, clenched tight enough to hurt. Self-defence, he tells himself. He only draws blood, unseen, nails in flesh, for self-defence. It's a nice half-lie.
Bertholdt isn't like him, he knows, not like Reiner. He's never gone straight to violence the same way. But they are monsters, aren't they? There's always a chance.
"What is?" he asks, blandly as he can manage.
cw: talk of cannibalism yey
It's a simple answer, for all the meaning it holds. Bertholdt knows he should be dead; he felt the pressure of teeth closing in on his body and then nothing at all, except the distinct knowledge he was watching the scene from the outside. He didn't get a chance to wonder at what the hell that meant before he woke up here.
Bertholdt's an observer; that's what he does. Observes and watches. As he does that, he knows that all he's learned about Eren needs to be re-evaluated in the face of this older (?) version of him. He's run into Jean, so he's not unfamiliar with the concept of people aging after he died.
He's used to the Eren that would go for the bite to his hand as soon as he could, a raging inferno. Not this detached, dead indifference, though he has no doubts he's digging those nails into his skin desperately.
Is he even the same as that young boy? Maybe that's what drives his next words. Eren's still the most dangerous person here, right now, in Bertholdt's opinion, and always will be. He just has to prove it.
"Did it make you feel like you won?" Dark green eyes are narrowed, calculating as he looks at Eren. "When you fed me to Armin."
No one has told him Armin was here and disappeared, yet, so he has no idea the hornet's nest he's kicking over.
tw references to genocide, war, child soldiers, general aot things etc
The next thing Bertholdt says, though…
Anger clouds Eren's expression, something familiar and easy. He cannot allow despair, sadness, the anguish he feels at Armin's absence. He's reasonably sure Bertholdt didn't say that to cut him this deep, but it does it all the same.
"I won before we even met each other," he answers, his neutral tone clouded with the simmering rage he can't ever rid himself of. He will always hate the outside world and what they did, Marley and its oppression, the hatred everyone feels for descendants of tyrants. Eren deserves their hatred, but most Eldians didn't do anything wrong.
Bertholdt only did what he could, a child turned into a nuclear bomb. Like Reiner, Bertholdt loves his comrades deeply enough to become a murderer for them. Like Eren, like Armin, like any of them except maybe Zeke.
He knows he said too much, said something that must seem nonsensical to Bertholdt who died before Eren's grim future became reality. It was always there as far as Eren is concerned, his experience of time warped into all at once. He had known the outcome his whole life, somewhere buried inside him, hidden from himself so that the ending would be what it had to be.
He doesn't quite reel it in, but he keeps talking.
"Did it feel like you won when you tore down our walls? When you found out it was me that you were supposed to take back to serve a country that hates you? We weren't even human to you, just island devils you came to wipe out."
He takes a breath. He should shut up, but Eren has never in his life stopped running his mouth on time.
"No one won shit the day you died. Armin almost burned to death to stop you. My lame ass brother killed pretty much all the Scouts with boulders, and we…"
He chokes on that. Erwin's death had been a hard blow but it had to be Armin that lived.
"It was war," Eren finally says, some of his anger cooling as he spins through too much in his mind. "It wasn't victory. It was just war."
His disgust for the idea of war is palpable. He used to glorify fighting because they were fighting titans. He wanted to save "humanity," but it wasn't like he actually cared about people outside those he had claimed as his own. What he really wanted was to avenge his mother's death. Reiner will always be responsible for that, but Bertholdt and Annie will too.
Eren himself is, as well, an accident he could not correct, saving the boy in front of him and damning his mother and the whole world to death all at once. He doesn't consciously realise it, cannot face it, but just like the truth buried in him for most of his life, it waits there to be uncovered. There's only so much anyone can hold, though, even Eren.
He stopped hating Reiner. They're too the same; he understands Reiner too well. Reiner is the only person he has ever stopped hating. There is no redemption or forgiveness, not for Reiner and not for Eren.
We can be something different.
He wants that to be true even as the urge to just get in a fight boils in his blood.
Can he stop hating Bertholdt? He doesn't know yet. He never thought about it; Bertholdt was dead, at his and Armin's hands. Even Ymir could not resurrect the dead.
This place, though…this place manages.
tw continued references to genocide, war, child soldiers, general aot things etc
But Bertholdt does not rise to taunts easily, and especially not after Armin cost him the chance to return home. (Twice, now.)
He expects the return shot about knocking down their walls, throwing the belief in so-called island devils back in their faces. At some point, Bertholdt is sure, he believed they were devils. He can't remember when that stopped, though; only that he came to that decision well before Reiner lost himself.
He didn't want to. It was a choice he never should have had to make. His father was sick, though, and they made him a bomb with an expiration date. He let them so he could be together with everyone. Just buying a bit more time for them all.
It won't mean anything to Eren, who lost his mother and father in that attack. Bertholdt casts his gaze to the side, any defenses he could muster up being buried by shame, and the guilt of killing thousands of people. He chose his father, Reiner, and Annie over the people of Paradis. Why should he be mad that Eren chose Armin over him?
(Is he mad about that?)
Eren's it was just war comment comes with some of his anger visibly deflating, and Bertholdt looks at him again. No, this isn't the same Eren Jaeger he's familiar with. Some of him is the same, of course, but this one - he's seen the price of his glorious fight with the Titans (Bertholdt's own people, people he killed too).
He closes his eyes and lets out a long breath, expelling some of his anxiety and anger.
Do you think that anyone wants to kill people? What kind of person would do this for fun?!
That's what Marley turned them into - instruments of war, a cog in their machine. Bertholdt was ten when he destroyed an entire city to save his father for the first time.
"You were never devils," he finally settles on. He knows what Reiner had called Eren; knows what he needed to believe in order to justify what they were doing. Reiner believed it so hard it broke his heart in two, making him two separate people, it felt like. He's not sure if Eren knowing Bertholdt knew he was wrong makes it better or worse.
"Someone had to get the blood on their hands," he repeats himself from so many months ago, green eyes sad and despondent. He can never apologize for what he's done, and so he doesn't. Eren deserves that much, at least. Bertholdt will hold the guilt within him until it rots away at his insides.
no subject
Mostly Eren is just good at pissing people off until they fight him. That's usually what he wants. It hadn't quite worked with Reiner, nearly a year ago. Reiner had kissed him, not hit him, and now they were…
He shoves that back out of his head. Thinking about Reiner while looking at Bertholdt makes him feel some kind of emotion he's not sure how to name. Anyway, is this even happening? This place…is it real? It feels real enough, but Eren is used to the surreal so maybe he just adjusts better.
Bertholdt doesn't come at him. Eren wasn't purposefully trying to get him to, but he wouldn't complain if it happened. Bertholdt isn't likely to use the Colossal at the drop of a hat. He's not all that likely to start swinging either, though, which is probably better for both of them.
Eren when he doesn't care if he loses is sometimes worse than when he's hellbent on winning.
You were never devils, Bertholdt says, and Eren looks almost shocked, anger giving way to surprise. He's so used to knowing what to expect that something like that, an admission he never imagined he'd hear, catches him off guard.
He wants to laugh. Eren, the devil of Paradis, was always just that. Bertholdt doesn't know. Will Reiner tell him? Maybe someday. Maybe someone else will. Maybe Eren will tell him, in a fit of pique or anger or despair or just to rub it in because sometimes he's shitty like that. He's not above throwing the destruction of Liberio in someone's face.
The Rumbling, the end of the world, he doesn't gloat about that (other than that comment about winning, anyway, rage to cover loss).
"We were just people," he answers at last. "You were just kids. I don't forgive you. But Marley used you as weapons. You were just disposable trash to them, no matter what they said about Warriors."
He says this with the same conviction he always has. Eren's view is biased against Marley, sure, but it was still pretty fucked up the way they raised kids to be titans who would die barely into adulthood. In a way, Eren is kind of relieved that Bertholdt isn't brainwashed the way Reiner is. He's not standing here defending Marley and spouting propaganda. At least there's that.
He nods, once.
"Yeah. Someone had to. Reiner. You. Me. None of us can ever make up for any of it, even if you were just pawns for Marley."
Eren also won't apologise. He's not in the habit of it even when he should, but as many lies as he's told, he's never once said he's sorry when he didn't mean it. Eren's guilt is a nebulous sort of thing. There are things he's sorry for that weren't his fault. There are things that he wants to be sorry for and can't. He is not — will never be — sorry for the world, though it is unforgivable, though many of them were innocent people who didn't deserve to die. But Eren has always weighed a few lives above all the rest. Half a dozen people on Paradis above the world. Armin above Bertholdt, above Erwin. That's just how it is.
no subject
He'd be sick, if he could manage being sick anymore. Instead he just closes his eyes as if he can hide the stricken look in his eyes. He was a child, what could he have done to fight back? He is what he's always been: a coward.
He glances back at the wall he was trying to reconstruct, reaching out to place a hand on it again.
"I don't want to fight anymore. There's no point." Even if he took one of the first shots, asking Eren about feeding him to Armin. He's tired. He contains a monster inside him; maybe Eren does too. He doesn't want to have to let it loose it again.
Then he laughs, though, bitter and quiet. "I should have known it'd be Reiner who told you about that - about Marley." If this place is what it truly is, of course Reiner would try to tell Eren about them. He aches, wanting to see his best friend since he knows he's here.
no subject
"I'm not going to fight you," Eren says. That isn't the same as don’t want to and sure as hell isn't the same as won't. But it's true until it isn't. He won't start a fight today, not with his fists. He isn't trying to start one with words, but wouldn't care much if it happened. Even if Reiner would be pissed, so what? Eren isn't a saint. He's agreed to what he's agreed to, but Eren's word is no longer all that good.
He tries, though. He tries to mean things when he commits to them. Turns out it's hard to stop being a liar once you start.
"Reiner didn't tell me about Marley," Eren says, brow furrowing a little. "You think I only found out recently?"
It's been years, after all.
It was a lifetime ago.
It's right now, staring at a lifelike picture that they couldn't quite understand, a photograph his father saved that would unknowingly trigger the end of the world. Who started this story, again?
"My father was from Marley," he says. "Zeke Jaeger is my brother. Half-brother."
He'd forgotten that Bertholdt didn't know that.
"I found out the day you died."
The day we killed you, he doesn't say. No point in rubbing it in now. Like he said, in the end, it wasn't victory. It was just war — Eren's war, won before they ever met. It is the hollowest sort of win, the kind where everyone loses.
no subject
At the question he comes out of his guilt enough to shrug his shoulders at Eren, one hand coming up, palm upraised. He doesn't know; why would he? Eren elaborates, though, and this time Bertholdt's expression turns into one of genuine confusion, then surprise.
The same last name... it shouldn't have even been a consideration and never was for Bertholdt; just a coincidence from Eldian forefathers. No one escaped Marley's confinement unaltered; no one came outside of Paradis and lived to tell the tale.
And yet, Eren says his father came from Marley. At Eren's age, he can see some resemblance to Zeke, though it isn't immediately apparent.
"That... should be impossible," is what he says, though the uncertainty around his voice makes it clear he doesn't think Eren is lying. Marley would cover up the loss of the Attack Titan, though, wouldn't it? Revising their own history so no one would know. The only people who could would be the Warriors at the time, and eventually the memory would no longer be passed on.
Did Zeke tell him, that day, if he survived Levi, or was it something his father left behind for him? Bertholdt doesn't ask, instead shaking his head a little.
no subject
"It should be," Eren said, "but it's not. My dad escaped from Marley after Zeke sold him and his wife out. His wife turned into a titan for good, but…someone on the inside gave my dad the Attack Titan."
He doesn't really need to go on from there. They know Eren has the Founding Titan; that's why they want him. The Attack Titan, well…he's not certain how long it hid outside of Marley's control. Since before Grisha had it, must have been, but that part is fuzzy for him. It doesn't matter.
"Obviously Marley wouldn't want any of that getting out. They only told you what you needed to know. And inside the walls…we were lied to for a hundred years. You know that already, right? You knew we didn't know shit. We didn't have technology like you did in Marley. We stayed in the dark and we would have died like that, like animals in cages. Instead, I set us free."
That's an oversimplification of the hell that Eren will bring to the world. He knows that. He knows Bertholdt might hear the truth of the future from Reiner. Why overload him with it here and now?
no subject
Bertholdt's eyes weren't truly opened until Paradis. To live in the ruin of what you created, to see a snapshot of life one hundred years ago. To see the animals trapped in the dark, as Eren so aptly put it. He could not other them for long, in the muck and misery. In the shadow of a man who hung himself, whose story they stole for their own needs.
To find a monster, they became monsters.
"We didn't --" He starts at first, then stops, closing his eyes for the briefest moment before he continues. "No one had made it inside. We didn't know what it was like... but we knew what it was like after we broke down your wall."
For now, he assumes 'setting them free' means what he did in Shiganshina; Bertholdt's death to save Armin, the fact that there was no opposition to them leaving the walls anymore. Eren achieved his goal of cresting the top of those ruined walls and breaking free.
(The truth is so much more horrific. The truth is no worse than anything else Bertholdt has ever done. What is a million people trampled to death when Bertholdt has wiped an entire city off the map?)
He does not apologize, though his tone is undeniably somber. Apologies would change and mean nothing no matter how sincere.
no subject
Ultimately, though, Bertholdt isn't who he's angry at. He can never forgive what happened when they were children. He doesn't know how. He doesn't care to learn. But if he can accept Reiner, maybe someday he can accept Bertholdt too.
For now he softens only slightly, at war with himself and his hatred.
"I know," he finally says, and it isn't derisive or a challenge. It's just...the truth. "How could you know? You were kids. That's all."
It isn't forgiveness, but he really does get it. The world was so much worse than any of them dreamed, in Marley or Paradis. It's worse even than that thanks to Eren. He has never been sorry for the world. He doesn't care if it burns. All he wanted was freedom, a clean slate outside the walls.
There was never any such thing.
And now there's...this, a boy long dead and one who has outlived the time allotted to him, stolen two years he won't have at home. He can't and wouldn't give Bertholdt's time back, but if he stays here, can he also be something different? That's a nice lie Eren tells himself, tells Reiner, that they can choose to be something else here. He wants it to be true.
"I've spent a long time away from that hell," he says. "And I'd rather die than go back. The stakes aren't the same here."
That is also a lie, at least on some level. For Eren, the stakes are the same. Save his people at any cost, even if that cost is the world. He has no idea what amount of stolen time they get to have here, but he'll fight with all he has to keep them here and safe and whole. He includes Reiner in that calculation; eventually he has to include Bertholdt because Reiner does.
no subject
In part because he must live with it, and also a tiny, manipulative part that knows Eren does not kindly view those with shaken convictions. Better to remain as he is now, potentially an enemy, than be seen as any weaker.
The statement of spending a long time away from hell - home - matches with what Jean had shared with him earlier. That they are all from different points, that they can be stolen but just as easily returned without any memory of being here.
He does not deny that some tension eases from his shoulders, though, when Eren says he'd rather die than go back.
"I don't want to fight if I don't have to," Bertholdt admits again after a long moment. No, he doesn't want to fight; he will if he has to. Just as Eren will not fight him right now, but might want to.
"I don't know how long I have here," He continues on, almost grudging. "I don't remember arriving here; if I don't have a body to return to, then this is all pointless anyways."
no subject
For now, that unsteady truce holds.
"I don’t know. Anyone can disappear from this place without warning. Death here doesn't matter, seems like. I knew that before I ran into you. All we can do is move forward for as long as we're allowed to."
Eren learned that idea from Reiner, but these are still Eren's words, his stubbornness. He never liked admitting they have no choices, but this is out of their control. Bertholdt will stay or he won't.
Eren can't find Armin's sort of freeing nihilism. Armin realising nothing they did mattered had been eye opening for him. Eren can't do that. He so desperately wants everything to matter here and now, where the future remains unknown and unseen by him.
"You're here now," he finally says with a shrug. "It's up to you what to do with it."
cw: talk of suicide (not active), tentatively sets this before reiner
Bertholdt would almost thank Eren but something about that doesn't sit right - withers and dies, sour, in the back of his throat before the thought is even fully formed. He has no reason to thank Eren for anything, and the feeling is mutual.
Instead he exhales a little bit, unsure if it's a dismissive statement or a continuing one.
"We don't really have any other choice," is what he settles on. Drown in despair or revel in it, but they have to keep living - if, morbidly, even death is not an option out for anyone. His expression softens after a moment, though, despite being in front of Eren.
"I don't want to waste it," is what he settles on. Eren as good as confirmed he and Reiner still talk, so he looks at Eren directly. "I spoke to Jean, earlier. He mentioned Reiner and Annie were here so - if you see them..."
He's such a brat I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
He knows he has been/is/will be a slave to that ideal, like Armin said. He's seen himself admit it. But Eren here and now can't and won't.
"Giving up is a choice. Just a shitty one," he says instead.
Reiner. Fuck, what is he going to do about Reiner now? He was so scared of losing whatever it is they have that he's overreacted about it before. It's a weird sort of hypocrisy, as usual. That thing between them was never in danger with Armin being here and it won't be with Bertholdt being here. Eren has barely grown out of being an insecure kid, though.
"I see Reiner all the time," he says. "If I see them, what?"
he's a perfect angel - said no one ever
The point, of course, that Bertholdt does not take anything in a way that will make him really angry. He's been controlling how he felt for a very long time now.
That doesn't mean there's not the slightest hint of annoyance. He doesn't know the relationship between Eren and Reiner, just yet. It's always been intense, a stronger thing than his and Eren's even before the revelations, but Bertholdt feels secure in knowing he is important to Reiner.
Tell him what, like he couldn't guess.
"That I'm here, waiting. He'll figure out the rest." He says it measured, calm, confident without being overly so. There are so many things he does not know about this Eren that is older. So many things that Reiner has learned about their future, what happened after Bertholdt died. He's confident that Reiner will show up, sooner or later.
no subject
I'll mention you to him after he fucks me next time, he almost says. It's such a near thing. His mouth opens and he has to snap it shut again.
Making choices to be a slightly less terrible person is hard, actually! He manages it for now, swallowing that sentence and any other stupid ass thing he might have said. This kind of restraint won't hold forever. Like so many things, it's only for now, a choice Eren manages because he wants to this time.
"If he hasn't found you by then," Eren says instead, almost dismissive. He might even mean it, if only because it tears Reiner up, what happened to Bertholdt, being here without him. He might not mean it, because he's Eren and he takes his hurt and anger and insecurity out on other people. Everyone eventually gets caught in his destruction, even people he cares about deeply. Especially people he cares about deeply.
"Good luck fixing that wall," he says, a barb on purpose, as he turns to go. For Eren, it's barely anything. It's not even actually scathing.
no subject
(But what had he been about to say?)
He pushes it down, and aside. Feeling guilty for Eren is a black hole that one will never crawl out of, if they're not wary. The on purpose barb, about the wall, is almost a comfort. Something intentional, personal, but that he expected.
"Thanks," he says, just a hint of sarcasm in his tone despite himself - but he doesn't try to stop Eren or follow him. He doesn't offer a rejoinder, and if they have nothing
to be sad to say to each other, he lets him go.