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seasonsgreetings2024-04-19 01:03 am
seasonsmods) wrote in seasonsgreetings2024-04-19 01:03 am
Entry tags:
Test Drive Meme #8
Test Drive Meme #8
LOGS | NETWORK | OOC | MEMES | NAVIGATION
You arrive in an unknown space, dressed in white clothes (player choice what kind of clothes, as long as they cover everything). Whatever was happening to you before no longer happens. It's like everything was put on a pause and you were transferred away from the situation without you realizing it happened.
The space that you find yourself in is one of these four options:
An empty landscape filled with snow and ice, almost like a blank canvas.
A field with cherry blossom trees and spring flowers.
A sunny beach near an ocean that seems never ending.
A quiet forest with falling autumn leaves.
All of the spaces seem to continue endlessly. No matter where or how far you walk it almost seems like you're not moving at all. There are no animals here - just those who happened to wake up there at the same time, in the same place. Everyone is wearing the same kind of plain, white clothes.
Despite the possible rollercoaster of emotions you might be feeling, the place somehow feels familiar. Like somehow you belong there.
And it looks like you're not alone.
After half an hour has passed the surroundings change as everyone is teleported into a room with all the other new arrivals, no matter what space they woke up in. It's a large place with plenty of seats to sit in and beverages to enjoy. Medical attention is offered to those who need it and the doctors here are very prepared for any challenging situations.
Here, in this room, everyone gets an answer to where they are and why. A hologram of a man appears at the center of the room, waiting to be heard. He brings a message on behalf of the leaders of Ellipsa.
The Message [ Click to Expand ]
Hello, my name is Olwen. I'm one of the leaders of Ellipsa as it currently is. I'm also one of the four who summoned you here.
Our world is in trouble and we need your help. I apologize for tearing you away from your world and forcing you to come here but I hope you understand. The magic we used doesn't let us ask in advance, nor does it let us choose who we bring here.
This world is composed of four Seasonal Segments. All of them represent one of the seasons. They were the places we used to get our resources from, but now they're dangerous places no one should go into unless they have the power to fight back. All of them have their own sets of powerful monsters and natural catastrophes.
We used to have plenty of people here who could control the powers of the four Seasons. We called them Seasonal Power Holders. Unfortunately, due to a tragedy you can read about later, we lost almost all of them. Now only four of us remain and the world is in chaos. We have done our best to protect the world, but we need more power holders to do that.
That's where you come in.
All of you have been assigned to one of the seasons. Whatever space you were in just now is what season you represent. You will learn different skills based on the season and those skills are going to help you save this world.
These powers don't interfere with your own natural powers. They use a new energy that has formed inside of you. It's harmless to your health, but it's vital to your seasonal powers. Your own powers should still work, even if the dark energy outside the city might interfere with them.
Unfortunately bringing you here wasn't as simple as it sounds. We couldn't do anything about how to keep you anchored to this world other than making a simple spell that helps with it. That is, you need to touch someone else who is not from this world ideally at least once a day. It will help you stay in control of your powers and boost your magical energy. If you don't, the consequences aren't very good. But as long as you hold someone's hand or give someone a handshake, you should be fine.
That's all I have to say about the situation. The staff of the Research Center will give you more information about housing and other necessary things. I will, however, promise that you will be sent home once the situation becomes better. That's the least we can do.
The hologram can be viewed in private in a separate room later, should someone wish to look at it again. For now, the staff of the Research Center hands everyone their new smartphones with their small flower lucky charms (the flower is anything the player decides). They're also told that the building next door is where everyone can find a room assigned to them with some of their belongings there and possibly even any animal companions. Those concerned about their mount-sizes companions are welcomed to the stables downstairs to see if their friends are there. The mounts are allowed to stay there until you find a place more suitable for them.
In the Arrival's hall there are also several stands with information pamphlets.
First type of stand is for the local Guilds and about the benefits or joining one.
Second type of stands is for the Welcome Center that aim to show otherworlders what the world is like and help guide people in the beginning of the journey and helps in getting settled into the new world. They even have people to help if you're unfamiliar with the new phones.
Once you get your smartphone and necessary information, you're urged to go out and find your apartment. After that whatever you want to do is up to you.
Part 3
The building next door is where everyone can find their new apartments. As you enter, you're told by a friendly native that for the first two months you can live anywhere rent-free and five meals a day are paid for you. After that they get a monthly payment that helps with some of their living expenses, but otherwise they have to have a job to support themselves.
All of the apartments are comfortable, two bedroom apartments with all necessary utilities. They are also completely soundproof. Sometimes the magic system, however, does glitch and you might find yourself rooming with a stranger. This is not the intention and the staff will immediately prepare you your own room if you ask them. But maybe having a roommate isn't all that bad?
In the Arrival's hall there are also several stands with information pamphlets.
First type of stand is for the local Guilds and about the benefits or joining one.
Second type of stands is for the Welcome Center that aim to show otherworlders what the world is like and help guide people in the beginning of the journey and helps in getting settled into the new world. They even have people to help if you're unfamiliar with the new phones.
Once you get your smartphone and necessary information, you're urged to go out and find your apartment. After that whatever you want to do is up to you.
The building next door is where everyone can find their new apartments. As you enter, you're told by a friendly native that for the first two months you can live anywhere rent-free and five meals a day are paid for you. After that they get a monthly payment that helps with some of their living expenses, but otherwise they have to have a job to support themselves.
All of the apartments are comfortable, two bedroom apartments with all necessary utilities. They are also completely soundproof. Sometimes the magic system, however, does glitch and you might find yourself rooming with a stranger. This is not the intention and the staff will immediately prepare you your own room if you ask them. But maybe having a roommate isn't all that bad?
The months of April and May are the time for a strange weather effect that affects all of the districts, except the one in the middle and Frostreign. It's not weird that it rains, but it's what the rain does that has been dubbed as the Rain of Affection. It's raining very often until the end of May at different times in the affected districts.
Anyone who stands in the rain will feel the need to get close to someone. It starts with a need to gently touch someone, but can escalate into needing a hug. The ultimate craving is kissing in the rain, but that's the most it can make happen. It's a very Safe For Work Rain Effect.
After a successful kiss in the rain, the cravings slowly become less urgent, but the effect can start all over again at any given time. Once someone is completely dry, they will be safe from effects restarting again.
Of course, there are individuals who don't get too affected by the rain (at all or not as badly) and it only works if it directly hits someone. So staying in a shelter or being in the unaffected districts is definitely a way to avoid this whole phenomenon. Even purchasing and using an umbrella helps. The shops around every district are very aware of the need for umbrellas, so there's definitely a variety of them being sold. Some of the umbrellas have a variety of harmless magical effects, like changing the color depending on the users' mood.
An unexpected secondary effect has been discovered with this year's rain. Anyone who tries to ignore the urges to be close to someone for too long (two hours) may find that some of their other feelings get amplified. Especially feelings someone might have been suppressing will suddenly feel impossible to ignore.
Hugging someone will make the feelings return to 'normal' easiest, as it's almost instant. Getting out of the rain and changing into dry clothes also helps, but the effects will go away slower.
Most of the shops around the districts have prepared private rooms for anyone who needs a place to calm down, in case they're far away from home. The various invisible shop fairies will also help someone contact their friends if they're unable to do it themselves - as long as they manage to say someone's name.
Just like with the regular effects, some people might be less affected by the amplified feelings. It really depends on the individual (= player's choice) how the rain affects them.
Tents have been built into various places around the city, to give shelter from the rain. These tents are also workshops for crystal and gemstone crafts. A group of crystal miners have decided to share the rest of their gemstones and crystals so that people can make themselves magical weapons, protective armors and accessories or just normal decorations.
Crystal Mine is one of the places that was lost to "The Darkness" and it existed in the Autumn Segment. All crystals and gemstones from the mines have a natural magical aptitude, meaning they can be easily enchanted into various purposes. They were used for armors, weapons, accessories and such to help fight the monsters of the world.
All of the crystals and gemstones are in alphabetical order and the miners happily answer any questions about them, such meanings and symbolisms they might hold. They can also make suggestions for which ones to use in the same craft.
One of the miners is especially keen on telling about Birthstones and suggests using them as an accessory that you carry around everywhere. He's a firm believer that keeping a birthstone on your person will bring someone luck and protection from evil forces.
Crystal and gemstone enchanting is managed by the teachers from the Magical Manor. They will hold lessons where they demonstrate how to get the results you want the most. The key is to be positive. The more positive feelings and words you feed the crystals and gemstones, the stronger the enchantment will be.
The enchantment can be anything from more strength into a weapon to just a nice, warmly glowing flower that helps someone sleep. Imagination is the limit, though even the enchantment can't make someone's armor permanently invincible or make their weapons kill things in one shot.
Enchanting your friend's, family member's or loved one's crystal or gemstone will make the magic twice stronger.
Those who have difficulties in being polite can either get fairy dust sprinkled on them to make them happy or they can ask someone else to help them. Needing to fake happy feelings will lessen the strength of the spells, but it works nonetheless.
If someone does manage to pour negative feelings and words into their enchantments, they may cause the crystals and gemstones to form negative monsters. These monsters are ethereal and usually look like small goblins that eat positive energy from anyone within one-mile radius.
Attacking them with magic and weapons doesn't work, as they have no actual bodies, but trapping one between two people holding hands will make them feel overwhelmed by the sheer energy the handholding provides and disappear. They will do their best to suck as much positive energy into them before they do, though!
Someone who has their positivity stolen will slowly recover it over time (it takes at max. a day), but holding foreheads together with someone will speed to process.
Starting from April 19th onwards, characters may find a peculiar basket on their table. This basket comes with any kind of pokeball (except Master Ball), some Pokémon Food and Treats, and a Pokémon Egg of any species that can have an egg (except the rare mythical/legendary/special ones that are able to). This Pokémon also has a chance to be shiny.
The note attached to the basket says "Sounds can be heard coming from inside! This Egg will hatch soon!" The egg will hatch anywhere between a few minutes to few days.
Anyone asking about how this came to be, the research center staff explains that it was a "metaverse miracle" and they asked the fairies to help them contribute the eggs to otherworlders, seeing as they already had Pokémon experience.
(NOTE: Pokémon Guidelines apply to these new hatching Pokémon as well)
- Ask your questions related to the TDM here.
- The TDM is available only to friends of the mods and their friends. If you want to play in the TDM, please leave a note here to inform us who invited you over. We will get to you as soon as possible.
- Test Drive is open for current characters to make a top level as well. New characters can add TDM on their subject line to indicate they're new!
- Current characters cannot access the starting area again to meet new arrivals. They can, however, be at the Research Center when the newbies are teleported in.
- The TDM is game canon so anything in the TDM can happen for your character(s) in the game as well.
- Smut is not allowed on the TDM. You can play situations leading to it, but if the thread is turning into smut, please move it to a private space such a post in your character's journal, or a locked post in the game's log community if you decide to app!
- Check Locations: City to find more areas to explore inside the city. Every place in the districts are open.
- Similarly, Locations: Segments is useful for outdoors adventures.
- You can find monsters to encounter on Beastiary.
- FAQ has information on characters' smartphones as well as general things about the world that might be handy.
no subject
This flood will probably be temporary, but it's a struggle for him now. He's used to having some sort of control over it, some distance, even after everything. He came to terms with the end of the world years ago, lifetimes ago. There was no other choice. There was no other ending. Those things are still true, but it feels fresh somehow. On top of all of…that…Eren just doesn't handle loss well. He never has, despite all of it. It's part of why someone like him having the power he has is so bad for everyone else.
"More than usual," he admits, slowly. There's no point in pretending otherwise when he can't get a damn grip.
He makes a little scoff at Levi's comment.
"Who says it's an act, Captain. I'm usually fine enough." That's still bullshit. He's fine "enough" in his own head, but he remains unaware of how it comes off to other people unless he's calculating how to get the reaction he thinks he wants.
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"People who are fine enough don't usually cry on the couch in turd position," he says seriously. (He could have said fetal, but why? They're both curled up. Not to mention he has most likely only ever seen one of them, actually. Most people who aren't doctors in their world are probably the same way.) People who are fine enough also don't usually destroy the world, but he'll let that part be quiet for now. "Is it helping, at least?"
He's not about to tell the boy who has trouble with emotions to bottle up his feelings. If it's actually making him better then he's free to carry on and Levi will pat his back through it. But if it's not, maybe he needs some kind of distraction instead.
no subject
Turd position. He'd laugh if he could; what a Levi way to say things. He's probably heard the phrase before.
"I'm not crying," Eren says, a little defensive, though for once in his life it's true. He doesn't cry these days, not even now. Maybe soon! But not today. Somewhere, he forgot how. Ironic, for someone who was such a crybaby his whole life.
He chews on his lip, considering how to answer the question. Is it helping?
"It's not hurting," he finally says. There's something comforting about Levi's hand on him. Touch helps, he just doesn't really realise that, can't articulate it. "I think. Don't worry, I'll clean the couch later."
It's a shitty attempt at humour, but an attempt was made.
no subject
Maybe that would help Eren, too.
He frowns lightly, holding that hand where it is, maybe tightening his grip just a little, just to make sure he keeps the boy anchored in the only way he can think of.
"...don't worry about the couch," he grumbles. Sure, he's not ecstatic about potentially having snot on it, but he can clean it up later. Right now, Eren is a priority -- he always lets his cleanliness obsession take the back seat when somebody is in need or in an emotional crisis, and this is one such time.
But it's not enough, and he's not quite sure how he's supposed to help. After a few moments, he decides to rely on something tried and true.
"Would you like some tea?"
no subject
Eren glances at Levi telling him not to worry about the couch. Of course he knows Levi is more than capable of setting aside his thing about dirt or germs or blood. How many times have they been covered in all manner of gross shit, and Levi more than most? He's aware of at least some of why Levi can't stand to be dirty, why he tries to control his space so that it's spotless. But unlike Eren, Levi can put aside his neuroses to care about someone. It isn't lost on Eren, that he matters more than cleaning something. Sometimes he still thinks he doesn't or shouldn't, but he's kind of accepting that Levi still cares more about him than he probably should.
All of them do. They always did, wasn't that the problem? He's never been able to see that.
"…sure, Captain. I'd like tea," he says. That's Levi's sort of love language, sharing tea with people (who have earned that privilege). It's comforting because it's something thoughtfully offered, something familiar.
no subject
Eren indeed matters more than a clean couch, and he'd better appreciate how much that means. It's probably something that he'll have to be beaten over the head with many more times, but they've made some progress. Hopefully.
"Great," Levi mutters, and gives him an awkward double pat on the shoulder before straightening up and heading to the kitchen. "It'll just be a moment."
There's a series of familiar sounds that follows -- the rush of water filling up a tea kettle, clinking of mugs getting retrieved from the cabinets, rustling of tea leaves being poured.
no subject
He remembers that first day in Marley, in a town he had already seen in his memories, a town full of people and life and full of blood and ruin. It was always the same, both existing at once. He could never appreciate it. Even when he saved that kid, he didn't know why. What was ever the point?
That was the last time he'd really cried, he thinks. He hadn't wanted to go through with it. He'd looked for one last out, putting it unfairly on Mikasa. But he always knew what would come next. He was always going to leave.
He wonders, for the first time since then, if his mother would hate him for what he will do. Has done. She would be right to. Even if in some twisted way, it's for her or about her, even if Eren is still her son somewhere underneath his rage, of course she would never agree with the Rumbling.
He vaguely marks the noise in the kitchen, the tea being made. Levi eventually comes back with cups and Eren lifts his head and takes one.
"Thanks," he says, a bit hollow, but at least he said it. He managed to keep some of his manners in tact through all of it, really. Even yelling at Hange, he'd still respected them in his own way. He'd never been exactly rude to the higher ups who he actually respected.
"This is such bullshit," he says. Which part? Doesn't matter. His own head. His own decisions. The rain fucking with him, tearing down his carefully constructed apathy, his acceptance of the hell he would bring to everyone in the world. It isn't that he second-guesses it. He can't, really. It's already done. Even if he never leaves this place, all of that was over before he ever consciously knew it. It's just the emotional aspect of it that's messy now.
"Do you remember when you first came to this world? I never thought I'd see your face again."
no subject
It must have felt way different when it was barely a crunch under the soles of his army far under the clouds. It must have been easier not to feel it.
Levi is probably the last person who should scold another about being rude; he's been plenty rude to the higher ups he respected, even. They just tended to find it charming, unlike the ones he didn't give a shit about; but then again, maybe they were always more friends than higher-ups anyway.
He makes a small hum of acknowledgement. "Yeah. Never thought I'd see you again, either. You made sure of that." An observation, not a barb; Eren did do his damnedest to avoid a final confrontation with him. Not even one of his little speeches that he's apparently shared with everyone else; Levi doesn't fault him for it, as Mikasa had been unquestionably more important in that moment, but it does mean things were left unresolved between them.
"So I made sure to catch up." By breaking a crutch on his face, but it was well deserved. He wouldn't change anything about their meeting now.
He can't be sure if it helped, but Eren has been increasingly human these last months.
no subject
But he hasn't done that yet. Right?
And now two years removed from that hell, could he do it? Well, probably. He still dehumanises people when it suits him to do so. He doesn't actually care about people as a whole. He doesn't even care about Ellipsa as a whole. His vow to do what he can to save Ellipsa is a selfish one, and one where the ends would always justify the means in his head. That much hasn't changed, though he has no intention of killing anyone in the city to accomplish it.
But he would. He would find some loop hole in his promise to Levi, or he would just outright break it.
On the couch now, though, all of that seems so…distant. Difficult. How had he accepted it the first time? It took years, time out of mind, and Eren's steely determination. That determination has never wavered, but too many emotions can stand in the way.
He just nods in answer to Levi's acknowledgement.
"Yeah. That was the point," he says. There's no use in trying to say otherwise. It was always the point, to get away and never actually see them again. Sure, sure, he could "see" them in the Paths.
He couldn't take Levi's memories away the way he could with the others, so no last heart to heart in the Paths for them. Whether or not Eren regrets that is anyone's guess, but there wouldn't be an opportunity. He's vaguely aware of those last conversations, though he hasn't had them. He's aware Levi tried to get him to stop by promising him just an ass kicking, though he's only heard those words in memories, confused and wound up with everything else. Maybe he saw some of this from Levi's point of view back in the metal titan.
He snorts a little, not actually a laugh.
"You could have done worse," he says. That crutch to the face had hurt, but didn't he deserve it, especially then? There is nothing even Levi could do to him that wouldn't be deserved. There is no price he could ever pay to make up for the world, and he has never wished to try. Everyone who knows him and knows about the Rumbling is aware what Eren thinks of the world.
"I didn't think I'd miss you," he says. "I told myself I wouldn't."
It's an admission without saying it. Of course he missed Levi. Hange. All of them. They were the only family he had, and after all the shit they've been through — Eren's doing and not Eren's doing — his own half-delusional thought process about how to make people hate him didn't actually erase it.
no subject
It has to be.
"Perhaps," Levi doesn't argue, though he does wonder how much exactly he could have done in the state he'd arrived in. Well, he's definitely inflicted worse injuries on people. But even so, Eren was never somebody he wanted to kill, somebody he wanted to suffer. He'd wanted to hurt him, to an extent, yes, but it all came from wanting to be heard, to try anything to maybe get him to listen, to spell out to him the consequences his actions would have if unchecked. It still came from a place of care.
He's not sure how to handle the admission that Eren has missed him. (Is he talking about that period of isolation back home, or after landing in this world? Yes.) He supposes it's to be expected, with the bonds they shared and the time they've spent together, but in the end he'd failed the boy as much as anybody else had. Did he actually deserve to be thought of fondly like that?
"...there's better people to miss," he mutters, probably thinking of Mikasa and Armin, and sips some tea, eyes downcast in thought.
no subject
Levi could have done more damage than physical if he wanted. He could have decided to hate Eren or condemn him or reject him. Eren sure as hell hadn't expected him to stay. It took months to realise that it wasn't obligation, some kind of babysitting, that kept them together. Eren always could have left, too! He's more than capable of it.
He liked — likes — the familiarity. There's some sort of structure if he stays with the higher ups, regardless of the fact that the nature of their relationship is different now, due to time and circumstance. But it sure as hell isn't obligation on Eren's part. There is almost nothing he feels obligated to do anymore; the idea that anyone can control what he does is an illusion. Even Eren can't always control what Eren does.
He pushes a stray piece of hair out of his face, though it won't stay, and stares into his teacup as he often does when Levi gives him tea. At least he'll drink it instead of just drifting off into nothing, though.
"Maybe," he says. "There's better people to care about and you're still here talking to me, so...it's not like that matters."
To him, Levi was always a hero. He's never seen him as anything else, even missing an eye and with a fucked up leg. That's just the kind of person Levi is. It's hard to change Eren's mind once he gets something into his head. He no longer has stars in his eyes about Levi and Erwin and the Scouts in general, but they'll always be heroes.
Just as Eren will always be a villain. There's no way to undo it and he doesn't even want to.
"I don't know how to go back to who I was," he says, though it's a little misleading. He doesn't really mean who he was as a kid, loud and brash and swinging sticks at adults who pissed him off or talked shit about the Scouts. That kid was so useless in Eren's mind now. He didn't know a fucking thing about the world. He couldn't actually save anyone, no matter how he tried. He means he doesn't know how to shut all of this off again. Some of it will fade as the rain's magic does, thankfully for everyone. But some of it sticks with him, raw emotion denied for too long now brought back to the surface.
no subject
He should have anticipated that answer, really. He pretty much walked into it. And yet, it still somehow catches him by surprise that Eren might have expected him to leave, that he's not taking his care for granted, that it apparently still matters to him.
In that moment, he feels more certain of his choice to stay than ever.
"Maybe not," he echoes back. It had never been a choice to him, not since Eren became a part of his life, gave him and everyone in the Corps a new hope, fumbled through his cleaning exercises until he finally got it right. There is always room in Levi's heart for people he considers his; there is no switch to make it otherwise. "Guess we're both sentimental idiots, then."
Somehow, the word sounds more like a term of endearment than derogation.
It applies to the kid, too, but Levi never thought him useless. Hotheaded, sure, impulsive, definitely, dumb, maybe. But also passionate, and stubborn, and inspirational; giving the rest of them a breath of fresh air when they needed it, even if it may or may not have kicked off the catastrophic sequence of events that followed.
Most likely he too was scooped up in it without really knowing what he's in for, just like everyone else.
"That might not be a bad thing," he says, thoughtful, though when he's considering who Eren was, he's thinking less of the kid and more of the empty shell. It's more than fine if he never remembers how to be that. "Now you can be someone new."
Isn't that what they're all trying to do in this place?
no subject
Eren, before he remembered the terrible future and became whatever he became, would have seemed the more sentimental one. He was always fitfully emotional, loud, passionate, attached to people. He has always been fiercely protective. He just stopped showing most emotions.
When they met, he wouldn't have ever dreamed Levi was the sentimental type at all. He knows better now. Levi also cares deeply and is very attached to people. Eren knew that, and he still misjudged. He really believed for a little while there that he could make all of them hate him. Or at least…
"Captain," he says, softly. "When did you give up on me?"
He doesn't mean that in a present sense, at least not exactly. Eren lives in so many times at once, but he's not talking about now. He means before, back home, once it was clearly too late.
He knows it wasn't on the airship, not quite, though he'd calculated their interaction there. He's dimly aware of a time he has not lived through, Levi's voice in the Paths, when most of them still thought they could convince Eren to stop. Maybe it was then?
Though he's probably just still an idiot. Having to stop him from killing the world and giving up on him aren't quite the same thing. He often forgets the depth of feelings that people hold. Two things — or more — can be true at once. People can feel different things. Eren himself certainly does; the fact that he and Reiner are a thing is testament to that.
no subject
Is that how Eren thinks he -- Mikasa -- his friends -- managed to kill him?
He remembers every moment leading up to it. We can no longer afford to care about Eren. The way he'd sounded in the Paths, so unlike himself, even after Levi threatened to kick his ass -- something he made sure to do when he showed up in Ellipsa. The creature that had sprung out of the Founder's body, the titan mist -- Mikasa's determination and Levi flinging his broken body in harm's way one more time to clear a path for her.
If they had given up, would it have still hurt the way it did?
Was it giving up, or was it simply accepting the only path Eren had left open for any of them, surely knowing none of them were the type to sit by and watch the world get trampled?
His voice is quiet. "Would I be here if I had?"
no subject
It's strange now to think that he hadn't succeeded. He knows Levi has always done what had to be done, even when it's shitty and painful. But Eren mistakenly assumed that he could dictate what he was to other people as much as he could dictate everything else (though really, that was never quite as set as he wants to believe, either).
So he absorbs the captain's words. For a moment he's just…still. It's a hard realisation because it feels like failure. He knows how fucked up that is. Ungrateful. Selfish. All the things he's been for so long, probably for his whole life, are as true as they've ever been.
His ability to read people apparently hasn't improved much either.
"…I guess not," he finally says. At the beginning when they'd first arrived here, he might have thought otherwise. He thought for months that Levi stayed only to babysit him. He knows better than that now.
Either way, only one of them is a liar, and it isn't Levi.
"I wanted you to," he says. "I…needed you to."
That isn't exactly it; it's that he convinced himself that's what he needed. Those aren't the same thing but Eren can't make the distinction easily himself.
"At home, maybe I'd still feel differently, but…I'm glad you didn't. If I still wanted you to, I wouldn't be here either."
bawling every time i reread this ngl
"I know," he says simply, because Eren had expressed as such before, the fact that he'd been trying to make them hate him, and much of whatever did not leave his lips as words Levi had picked up on that time they were plugged into the metal titan together.
If it was truly what he needed, well, that part can be argued. Levi maintains that what he needed was a boot in the ass, but if Eren was determined to make that fucked up plan of his work, well, then that probably would have indeed been helpful.
"...I'm glad, too." It comes after a moment of hesitation, Levi considering leaving that part unsaid. But what is this if not a second chance for him, too? Perhaps if all of them had just spoken to each other more, things would have ended up different.
"You've grown. Even if you can't see it." He doesn't say changed. Perhaps nobody truly changes at their core, though he certainly considers himself to be less edgy and cringe than he was in his teenage years, so it stands to reason it's the same for others. Even if Eren would still make the same choices, it seems his attitude toward it has shifted; perhaps he's got a better understanding of the weight of it all now, or simply found the confirmation of the stubbornness of his found family.
And, for who knows which time, even if maybe he should know better, Levi wants to -- makes the decision to -- have faith in this Eren.
this whole thread is a MONSTER of emotions
There are things that Eren has convinced himself are true that are too subjective. Whether he really needed all of them to hate him is one of them. Was there really no other path? He'll swear up and down there wasn't, but they'll never know now.
He's a little surprised by Levi's agreement. Levi isn't the most forthcoming, though he isn't dishonest the way Eren too often is. Maybe they owe it to each other to try to say things more often than they did. Eren will never believe the outcome could change, but he's said over and over that he wants to be different here. He means that. It's a slow journey, but it's something he's worked on.
"I'm the same as I've always been," he says, a hollow old thing he clings to. He's convinced himself that he's been the same since birth, but that's nonsense. No one, not even Eren with all of his issues with and mastery(?) of time, is static. And Levi didn't say he'd changed. It's just hard for him to imagine he's better here, even if he wants to be.
"But we don't have to be the same in this world. I know that."
At least he doesn't take Levi's faith in him for granted. He doesn't take any of their support for granted now. He might finally be realising that nothing he does will ever sever ties all the way. He can do irreparable damage, but it's not like he stopped caring about Reiner the day he found out about him and Bertholdt. It's a lot more complicated than that. Why should Levi — or Jean, or Armin, or Mikasa — be different? Somewhere along the way, Eren forgot that most of them are almost as stubborn as he is. They'd never have survived if they weren't.
YEAH ;;
But it happened, and none of them can change it. Going forward with what they have really is the only thing left to do at that point, and they can only hope to manage to do so with greater care and understanding across the world.
He gives Eren a look -- not necessarily stern, though perhaps there's a hint of what the fuck did I just say in there.
"I never said otherwise."
One doesn't have to change to grow and still end up... not different, perhaps, but not exactly the same either. A higher vantage point, a better view, a deeper understanding; whether or not it all leads to the same place, the path there may vary just a little.
"I believe you." He believes that Eren knows, that he's actually internalized that knowledge, with all the consequences and implications of it. He doesn't quite believe in him, but it's a trust placed in him nonetheless.