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seasonsgreetings2023-06-16 10:01 am
Test Drive Meme #3
Test Drive Meme #3
LOGS | NETWORK | OOC | MEMES | NAVIGATION
You arrive in an unknown space, dressed in white clothes (player choice what kind of clothes, as long as they cover everything). Whatever was happening to you before no longer happens. It's like everything was put on a pause and you were transferred away from the situation without you realizing it happened.
The space that you find yourself in is one of these four options:
An empty landscape filled with snow and ice, almost like a blank canvas.
A field with cherry blossom trees and spring flowers.
A sunny beach near an ocean that seems never ending.
A quiet forest with falling autumn leaves.
All of the spaces seem to continue endlessly. No matter where or how far you walk it almost seems like you're not moving at all. There are no animals here - just those who happened to wake up there at the same time, in the same place. Everyone is wearing the same kind of plain, white clothes.
Despite the possible rollercoaster of emotions you might be feeling, the place somehow feels familiar. Like somehow you belong there.
And it looks like you're not alone.
After half an hour has passed the surroundings change as everyone is teleported into a room with all the other new arrivals, no matter what space they woke up in. It's a large place with plenty of seats to sit in and beverages to enjoy. Medical attention is offered to those who need it and the doctors here are very prepared for any challenging situations.
Here, in this room, everyone gets an answer to where they are and why. A hologram of a man appears at the center of the room, waiting to be heard. He brings a message on behalf of the leaders of Ellipsa.
The Message [ Click to Expand ]
Hello, my name is Olwen. I'm one of the leaders of Ellipsa as it currently is. I'm also one of the four who summoned you here.
Our world is in trouble and we need your help. I apologize for tearing you away from your world and forcing you to come here but I hope you understand. The magic we used doesn't let us ask in advance, nor does it let us choose who we bring here.
This world is composed of four Seasonal Segments. All of them represent one of the seasons. They were the places we used to get our resources from, but now they're dangerous places no one should go into unless they have the power to fight back. All of them have their own sets of powerful monsters and natural catastrophes.
We used to have plenty of people here who could control the powers of the four Seasons. We called them Seasonal Power Holders. Unfortunately, due to a tragedy you can read about later, we lost almost all of them. Now only four of us remain and the world is in chaos. We have done our best to protect the world, but we need more power holders to do that.
That's where you come in.
All of you have been assigned to one of the seasons. Whatever space you were in just now is what season you represent. You will learn different skills based on the season and those skills are going to help you save this world.
These powers don't interfere with your own natural powers. They use a new energy that has formed inside of you. It's harmless to your health, but it's vital to your seasonal powers. Your own powers should still work, even if the dark energy outside the city might interfere with them.
Unfortunately bringing you here wasn't as simple as it sounds. We couldn't do anything about how to keep you anchored to this world other than making a simple spell that helps with it. That is, you need to touch someone else who is not from this world ideally at least once a day. It will help you stay in control of your powers and boost your magical energy. If you don't, the consequences aren't very good. But as long as you hold someone's hand or give someone a handshake, you should be fine.
That's all I have to say about the situation. The staff of the Research Center will give you more information about housing and other necessary things. I will, however, promise that you will be sent home once the situation becomes better. That's the least we can do.
In the Arrival's hall there are also several stands with information pamphlets.
First type of stand is for the local Guilds and about the benefits or joining one.
Second type of stands is for the Welcoming Committee that aim to show otherworlders what the world is like and help guide people in the beginning of the journey and helps in getting settled into the new world. They even have people to help if you're unfamiliar with the new phones.
Third type of the stands is for The In Touch Support Group that is led by the Otherwordly Ambassador, Kamisato Ayato. The pamphlets have contact information for businesses looking to help Otherworlders. They also focus more on the lore of the World and what they have discovered so far, as well as a guide on what to think about when preparing to venture out to the Segments.
Once you get your smartphone and necessary information, you're urged to go out and find your apartment. After that whatever you want to do is up to you.
The building next door is where everyone can find their new apartments. As you enter, you're told by a friendly native that for the first two months you can live anywhere rent-free and five meals a day are paid for you. After that they get a monthly payment that helps with some of their living expenses, but otherwise they have to have a job to support themselves.
All of the apartments are comfortable, two bedroom apartments with all necessary utilities. They are also completely soundproof. Sometimes the magic system, however, does glitch and you might find yourself rooming with a stranger. This is not the intention and the staff will immediately prepare you your own room if you ask them. But maybe having a roommate isn't all that bad?
The center of Nightwake never sleeps and there's always something happening, but today there's a lot of excitement in the air all around the center and every district! Locals and those who want to help them (for 100 Moon Coins or a gift card of their choosing), are walking to everyone to offer colorful fliers along with free vending machine tokens. There's also colorful advertisement on billboards and posters everywhere around the city advertising all sorts of things like items, clothes, drinks and more.
Local businesses, stores and restaurants are also going pretty crazy with their celebrations of anyone walking in being their 50th, 100th or whatever customer of the day and the prize among other things are gift cards and more free vending machine tokens but they aren't even for that same shop or restaurant? They also offer people to spin all kinds of different prize wheels, spin roulettes, buying a certain amount of things from them, and taking part in eating and drinking competitions for a surprise prize. Someone even put these surprise prizes into the Gacha Restaurant's randomizer, so for a week, you can choose it as a total surprise there too. (The surprises can be even more vending machine tokens and silly things like cute keychains or a 5-in-1 avocado tool as some examples.)
You can't find any of these shops, restaurants and other places, that they are advertising, in the whole city. The locals, posters and billboards will tell you where you can find them. There's a new entrance in every district, where locals welcome everyone to the grand opening of the Underground Mall!
Some may even drop into a sudden hole in the ground on their way and fall (or slide) somewhere far away. Don't worry, there will be very soft and huge pillows for landing in your destination.
The Underground Mall's upper floors give the vibe of a joyous mall with several restaurants and shops you won't see on the surface. The mall is definitely a must visit place for those who appreciate different fashion and exciting food choices. The party from the surface continues down here with various sales around the area. A good day for shopping!
For those who like games, there's a futuristic VR Arcade for you! This Arcade focuses on games that are played with VR goggles on. Even your regular DDR machine will now take you to dance in different environments and feel like you're dancing for your life or for an actual audience.
There are all sorts of vending machines lined up in their own, huge corner. You can find the usual ones with all sorts of different snacks, food and drinks, but there are also some with cake, cookies, mayonnaise, cream, flowers, engagement rings and other less usual but normal things. Nothing here is randomized, unless you choose the random option from the machine, otherwise you get exactly what you want. So pick your favorites or try something new, that sounds more or less good! You can find a machine that turns moon coins on your phone into vending machine tokens (or you can pay straight with your phone).
And, yes, you can find vending machines full of snacks and drinks all around the area too.
Then there's also an area for ufo catchers with all kinds of prizes like pokemon plushies and lots of other plushies, items themed to different season, plushies and other items themed to any fauna and flora from all around Ellipsa, puzzles, food themed items etc etc.
Moving inside the mall is done by escalators and elevators, but there are also regular stairs for those who prefer them.
The fastest way of traveling from floor to floor in the mall is by quick teleport nodes. You choose a floor you want to go to from the list of choices, much like an elevator and then you're transported into that floor's node within seconds. Unfortunately, they're still working out on the bugs in the system, so you may end up in the wrong place - including places that aren't on the list of choices.
There's also a Poké Ball Vending Machine, so anyone who recognizes poké balls may have some idea what they could get here. The vending machine somehow has enough balls for everyone in Ellipsa but everyone can only buy one ball! The balls don't have names in them and no one can see through them, so even those, who know Pokémon will NOT know what they'll be getting from this vending machine as it is entirely randomized!
Are you ready to get your first Pokémon? What about being ready to see how you two get along? Everyone, who plays this vending machine, gets either a Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, Pikachu, Eevee, Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile, Treecko, Torchic, Mudkip, Turtwig, Chimchar, Piplup, Snivy, Tepig, Oshawott, Chespin, Fennekin, Froakie, Rowlet, Litten, Poplio, Grookey, Scorbunny, Sobble, Spirigatito, Fuecoco or Quaxly.
(And yes, ICly it is entirely randomized but OOCly you can decide which one you want your character to get... Of course you can rng the result too. More about Pokémon guidelines in the OOC Tips of this TDM.)
The third part of the TDM is under this details cut as it has Content Warnings, including Cursed things, Organized Crime, Illegal Activities, Monster Forms/Body Horror, Attempted Murder, Experimenting on People
The Third Part of the TDM [ Click to Expand ]
The lowest levels of the mall are only accessible by random quick teleport nodes around the mall (if you know you know is the motto with these). You can run into them on accident (they're usually hidden, but with so much traffic, the hiding place becomes visible) and they sometimes immediately just teleport people without any warning. The arrival can be in various places. A random shady hallway, in the middle of the floor, in a shady establishment and so on.
Anything that seems shady can be found from these floors. Even the local diners here are very weird and likely have illegal things on the menu. Clothing stores sell all kinds of clothes fit for thieves and assassins and the amount of weapons shops here is twice the amount than on the surface. Rumor has it there are also people trying to summon the devil somewhere around here, but that's still just a rumor.
One of the teleport node locations can take you to the front of a cursed vending machine corner. At first they look like ordinary vending machines, but upon closer inspection one may notice they are anything but ordinary.
The food vending machines are full of different "eatable" bugs with half-hearted warnings that they may or may not be poisonous (they didn't really check before putting them in the packaging), Mystery Food boxes (includes some very suspicious foods that don't look edible, but are actually alright in taste? But may contain some side effects like growing mushrooms out of your hair if you eat the mushroom ones), ones that is labeled Energy Drinks but all of them look more like creepy potions (they provide energy but at the cost of poisoning someone for 24 hours) and hyper realistic cakes that look like various body parts (the cake part is intentionally written in small print).
Other vending machines have various shark eggs (hatching them will provide a magical shark with little hands and legs that invades the first watery surface it finds and bites whoever comes too close - it does not belong as a pet, but one may try to tame one), Mystery Boxes (with anything from highly cursed jewelry to books that suck your soul if written into) and Cheat Slips (it's said these slips will let you master a skill immediately, but all it does is cause one's powers to go berserk for 2 hours).
The lowest levels are also a place for a large Casino. While they do exist on the surface, this one is a little different.
The Casino (named just that, "The Casino") is divided into four different sections; All of them are dominated by an organized crime group. This is the only area of the underground they work together in peace and sometimes come to relax. They don't cause trouble for each other here, but they definitely can try to cause trouble for everyone who is visiting the place.
Losing in this Casino can mean being taken to the back rooms by whichever group's area you ended up losing in. They will offer to let you go if you can pay off your debt you made in the Casino, but they have other options of compensation.
Name: Diamonds
Game Area: Card Games (Poker, Black Jack, Craps)
Compensation: They will send characters on a criminal quest to either steal or sabotage something or even smuggle a (cursed) item into important places.
Name: Spades
Game Area: Roulette
Compensation: They will attempt to kill the character that lost in the quietness of the backrooms.
Name: Clubs
Game Area: Pool, Darts
Compensation: They will just make characters clean their casino area.
Name: Hearts
Game Area: Slot Games
Compensation: They will drag characters into experiments in a different facility.
You may also end up taken to the back rooms for getting caught cheating, although it may also end up in a congratulatory meeting for an impressive sleight of hand instead or an invitation to join one of the groups. How would you feel about a life of crime?
Those caught in Hearts Group's Experiments will be subjected to series of tests. Mostly they're to check the characters' physical condition before proceeding. Once the tests are concluded, the character will be given a medicine (either via shot or a pill). This medicine will not show any signs of working for a while and characters are let go afterwards.
The same medicine can, however, later be consumed by anyone else in various foods and drinks (free samples, some restaurants, even some grocery store items), even in the higher levels of the Mall. The experiments were the final test before distributing the medicine secretly to the public. So your character may accidentally end up getting the medicine in other ways.
What are the medicine? Monster Form activators. They will awaken a monster form inside a character that will trigger under one of the (player) selected conditions: strong emotional reaction, full moon, near death situation or bleeding.
The form can be returned from by calming down and focusing on their sense of self, but there's a chance to go berserk, making this difficult. If characters go berserk, their powers will be a lot stronger, but they won't know who's a friend and who's a foe. Their form may also be a lot scarier than it normally is. They will likely only want to cause destruction around them or want to feed on humans.
| Monster | Description | Powers |
|---|---|---|
| Alraune | Plant monsters with a humanoid shape. They may have changes as simple as flowers growing in their hair or have complex body modifications such as roots for legs and long vines as hands. | Pollen with status effects like sleep/poison/paralysis, control over plants, poisonous kisses, etc |
| Gargoyle | Monstrous humanoid winged creatures with horns on their head and stony hides. | Super strength, tough skin, flight |
| Harpy | Human-bird hybrids. Anything part can be replaced with bird bodyparts, although the most common configuration is arms turned to wings and legs into talons. | Flight, sonic scream, hypnotizing voice, ability to whip up whirlwinds |
| Kelpie | Aquatic horses with a man made of seaweed and algae, covered in a sticky fur that makes it nearly impossible to get off if one is to ride them. Some may get a fish tail when underwater, although when out of water they have legs like any horse. | Water breathing, illusions |
| Lich | Undead humanoids, they may look skeletal or simply corpselike. | Raising the dead (into zombies/skeletons), necrotic touch |
| Manticore | Beastlike creatures with the head of a human, the body of a lion, and the tail of a scorpion or dragon. They vary greatly, some sporting horns on their heads, or resembling a Chimera or Sphinx. | Super strength, flight if wings. |
| Minotaur | Animalistic monsters with the head of a bull and the body of a human, although some variations exist in which there are different animal heads. Some sport hooves and a tail in place of legs. | Super strength, overall size, super defense. |
| Taur | This refers to any number of creatures with a humanoid upper body and a lower body that resembles a non-anthropomorphic animal in the same sort of style as a centaur. This category includes things like Arachne and Naga, and other variations of such monsters. | Varies depending on animal the taur is based on |
| Werecreatures | Monstrous, bipedal animals, the transformation of which is often (but not always) triggered by the full moon. Common variants are wolves and bears, although they can be about any animal. The Pooka would be one of the variations in the werecreature category. | Depends on the animal the form is based on, but usually super strong/fast etc |
This effect can either be permanent or temporary, depending on how the players want it. Temporary can be up to just one transformation under the conditions or several.
- Ask your questions related to the TDM here.
- The TDM is available only to friends of the mods and their friends. If you want to play in the TDM, please leave a note here to inform us who invited you over. We will get to you as soon as possible.
- Test Drive is open for current characters to make a top level as well. New characters can add TDM (or "New" or anything else) on their subject line to indicate they're new!
- Current characters cannot access the starting area again to meet new arrivals. They can, however, be at the Research Center when the newbies are teleported in.
- The TDM is game canon so anything in the TDM can happen for your character(s) in the game as well.
- Remember to add Content Warnings wherever needed!
- Smut is not allowed on the TDM. You can play situations leading to it, but if the thread is turning into smut, please move it to a private space such a post in your character's journal, or a locked post in the game's log community if you decide to app!
- Pokémon Guidelines:
• Anything mindblowing crazy that the pokedex has to offer for any of the evolutions doesn't carry over to Seasons. They're closer to anime variants where people can get flamethrower at their face and live (we still do not recommend getting a flamethrower at face)
• Pokémon gain experience points much slower, even if they battle one another.
• You may be able to find a vending machine with weird stones mixed in for stone evolutions. Strange.
• All start at level 5.
• More Pokémon may appear later in the game but for now it's just the ones mentioned.
• More on all the available Pokémon here!
- Check Locations: City to find more areas to explore inside the city. Every place in the districts are open. The Underground Mall has been added to the locations page at the very end of it.
- Similarly, Locations: Segments is useful for outdoors adventures. You can find monsters to encounter on Beastiary.
- Minor NPCs page has been updated with the criminal organizations.
- FAQ has information on characters' smartphones as well as general things about the world that might be handy.
- Feel free to check and use out Questboard for additional prompts.
no subject
Eren still longs for violence, but he doesn't want to kill the boy in front of him anymore. He hasn't in a long time, at least not on a personal level. It stopped being personal when he realised they were so much the same. He can't forgive, but he can understand, and because of that his personal animosity cooled into something else. Would he mourn Reiner's death? Hm. Complicated. He might. There has been — will be — so much death. He has made himself so numb to it. But finding out about Hange had shocked him. Maybe he takes Reiner living too much for granted. He doesn't want to dwell on that for too long.
He watches Reiner's reaction, face as carefully neutral as he can make it. He's not a great actor, not really, but he's had a lot of practice at that terrible blankness that he cultivated in Marley. He can't quite reach that here, but he can at least not crack again just yet. Strange, to think that someone who used to be so expressive could be hard to read, even for a few minutes. Maybe not as hard to read as he might like to think, but details.
Same. Of course. They aren't the same age — not here and not at home, weirdly — but all things equal, they would have died at the same age. What else could it be, right?
Eren goes back to eating before he lets himself be too amused at Reiner's reactions, his anger, his tension, the way he really doesn't seem to know how this is going. Not that Eren does. He can't actually plan it out. He can't predict it, not entirely, because he doesn't know what comes next. He has no grand design here, and if he did, he could tip himself into something else without meaning to and they'd end up somewhere other than where he meant. He hadn't meant to get backed up against a wall in an alleyway, after all, but he has no regrets about that encounter.
He'll just take a mile if given an inch, like he always has.
"The others didn't tell you anything about the future either, huh," Eren says, but it's not a question. If they had, this would probably look a lot different. But why would they bother telling Reiner about the end of the world, Eren's mad crusade to crush most of it, Liberio included? Even if Reiner believed them, it sure wouldn't do them any favours when he already sees them all as enemies. Maybe they couldn't ever be friends, but at some point they were/will be allies. At some point they will all be fighting Eren.
God, he doesn't want that here. All his shit about being better, what does any of that matter if he fucks it up right here at this table and tells Reiner he destroyed Liberio and all of that? That's not better.
It's so tempting, though, to do it just because he can. He never claimed to be a saint.
He swallows a bite of food and the urge to be a bigger asshole about all of this at the same time.
"Why'd you come with me if you don't wanna talk to me?" he asks, softly, and it's less bait than anything he's said so far. Sure, he could insinuate something with it like he has with the line he's been walking. Give him a minute, maybe he will. But that tactic isn't entirely getting him what he wants, so…he just asks something genuine, something he's not sure he knows the answer to.
Why.
no subject
He doesn't like it. Doesn't like being unable to read Eren's emotions like an open book, the way they used to be. Doesn't like looking across the table and not having a damn clue what's going on in Eren's head. It makes Reiner feel jumpier by the second, itching to drag something real out of Eren. Something genuine. Something passionate. Something that doesn't skim the border of indifference.
He'd prefer Eren's loathing to indifference. He'd prefer blood and lightning.
But Eren just sits there, calmly eating, only pausing to comment on how little Reiner knows about the future. Another taunt, maybe, but not one with any fire behind it. Either way, it's true enough. No one has sat down with Reiner and given him a full explanation of events, nor has Reiner asked for one. It seems unimportant at the moment. He has enough to do, what with learning how to survive here and negotiating truces with people from his past. Future. Whatever.
Maybe later, once he's adjusted to this place, Reiner can ask about his world. Maybe he can find out what went wrong, learn what he needs to fix when he returns home. For now, it's not a priority.
Then Eren asks another question, one that even Reiner isn't sure he can answer. It's not that Reiner can't think of any reasons: it's that he can think of too many. Why did he come with Eren? Easier to ask, why wouldn't he follow when presented with a chance?
His gaze drifts to the side, idly watching strangers milling around, utterly unaware of how abruptly their lives could end. I keep thinking about kissing you, Reiner could say, as if his ill-conceived lust could be summarized with such a statement. As if he's not out of his fucking mind, wanting Eren the way he does. I keep dreaming about you, he could confess, but he wouldn't know whether to describe them as fantasies or nightmares. Sometimes they're both, sometimes they're neither. Sometimes Reiner awakens convinced he's still atop Wall Maria, spending long days watching the horizon, waiting for Eren to appear. Other times, he wakes up thrashing, shouting for Bertolt to attack before Eren's Titan completely cracks his Armor.
It's a good thing his apartment is soundproof. Otherwise, he'd probably have concerned (or irritated) neighbors banging on his door in the middle of the night.
In any case, neither answer would be wholly truthful. Reiner would prefer to fuck Eren, but he expects a fight. He doesn't know how this particular meeting will end. Figures he'd be fine with either outcome. It's the uncertainty that Reiner dislikes, leaving him on shaky ground when he needs something solid, something with which to anchor himself.
Why did he come with Eren? His gaze finds Eren's again, gold eyes locked on green.
"Who knows," he says. "Maybe I spent too many years chasing you."
Chasing Eren here—that's familiar, at least, even if it's just to the food court. And for whatever reason, Reiner doesn't want to stop. Doesn't know if he even can.
Five years—five fucking years out of thirteen—Reiner spent hunting for the Coordinate. He didn't always know that Eren was his target, but he didn't stop once he started to suspect it, even if he knew victory would spell Eren's death. What else was he supposed to do? What else could he do after all that hardship? Pass the task off to someone else? Allow another kid to experience that hell?
No, it was better that it was Reiner. Better that Eren knew his enemy. Better if someone would at least try to keep Eren alive once they reached Marley.
(He would've tried, wouldn't he? Can he convince himself that he would've tried?)
He's quiet for another moment, watching Eren's hands, of all things. He still hasn't answered Eren's earlier question, but…
Fuck. He makes a face, realizing that if he wants Eren to stay, he'll probably have to concede a little more. So he wets his lips, then meets Eren's gaze again.
"I was in your hometown," he says. "You'd sealed up the outer gate a little while ago."
It doesn't reveal his most recent memory: Captain Levi's blades piercing his spine and heart, the power of the Armored ripping through his body, twisting his insides, making him convulse on the ground before lighting poured in and out of him. But it's close enough.
"Nice job, by the way," he adds, "mastering hardening so quickly. How'd you manage that?"
no subject
What he'd done to Reiner that day was so much worse. Whether it was deserved or not just depended on your point of view. Even Eren isn't sure it was deserved but he's realised that sometimes that's just reductive thinking. Not everything that happens is deserved. His mother didn't deserve to die. A lot of people don't. Didn't. Won't.
The two of them sitting here at this table eating ramen like they're normal? They deserve to die a thousand times. But despite what Eren's future holds in the end, they're both alive now. The world just keeps going for the ones that survive the horror. That will always be true, he figures. Who deserves what is all perspective.
He isn't sure what Reiner is thinking when he looks away. Blood and death, probably, because that's never far from them. They could kill half this food court in an instant without trying, without meaning to. Collateral damage.
A building full of people above them in Liberio, cheering on a speech full of propaganda.
The wall in Shiganshina, people running and screaming, dying because they'd been penned in like cattle and lied to for a century.
The world, burning.
Somewhere in that silence Eren started holding his fork too tightly. That, too, is almost deja vu for him, something with a spoon and people who have been dead for years. His fault too, though less on purpose. The consequences of that day, when Levi told him to live with his choices, have rippled outward into whatever he became in the end. He tried to rely only on himself and the world paid the price.
The world is always paying the price for Eren.
On a smaller scale, so is Reiner, even before they knew each other, even before Reiner knew Eren was the one they were looking for.
He sets his fork down too hard. So much for his facade of normalcy.
At least Reiner answers him, though it's as unsatisfying as anything Eren himself has said. He earned that, though, with all his bullshit leading. He's not Armin; he can't keep this kind of thing up. Part of that is something Reiner himself could relate to, the shaky tether to reality that makes just being a person really fucking difficult. Part of it is just Eren, too reactionary and too violent and too easily bored with words, even if he's the one who started this.
"I'm not running anymore, Reiner," he manages to say, letting his eyes move back to Reiner's face, and it's definitely an insinuation. He wants his foothold back and he can't find it. Reiner isn't the only one who thinks about that day in the rain.
If only you knew what else I could do, Eren thinks.
But he only says, "I got lucky," which is true. Without that serum in the underground cavern…would he have ever been able to do it? Would he have been able to do it then in that moment to save his friends? Would they have all just died, seared to death by Rod Reiss's titan transformation? It's no use thinking about it, really. They hadn't died. Eren had learned to use that crystal to his advantage. Now he can use it like a weapon, thanks to the War Hammer, but most people have no idea what that power can even do. Eren hadn't known, despite knowing that he needed it, that he would (probably) acquire it in Liberio.
"We learned the truth after that," he says, thought what the truth even is for someone like Eren, who stopped telling the truth years ago, is a shaky concept. "We'd all been brainwashed. Lied to. We thought we were the last humans alive on the whole planet. How fucking stupid you must have thought we were. But we just didn't know."
It's a good thing he's not still holding anything. He can just ball his fists up on the table and try not to get angry all over again, not really at Reiner, but at the whole disappointing shitty outside world. He still hates it, all of them out there progressing and living while his people are treated like livestock, their freedom stripped away from them for a century.
"You were lied to too, Reiner. They told you we were devils. We're just people. Every single person in the world is just a person. Some are good and some are shitty and some are monsters." Like me, he doesn't say. Like you. "But we're all just…people. You saw that, didn't you? Living with us? Back then I thought it was all lies, but you really did care about us, even if it fucked you up in the end. We were just people. We were just children, and so were you. They used you like weapons because they were afraid of you. Of us."
He lets his mouth just run away with him before he gets a handle on it again. Maybe it's saying too much. Wouldn't be the first time.
He finally gets it together enough to shut up again. He forces himself to unclench his fists, little wisps of steam rising immediately from the bloody half-moons left from his nails. Good faith, is that it? Blood, but only on accident. On purpose would look different.
no subject
If Reiner provokes Eren enough, will this escalate to a fight? Will they shed blood right here and now? Maybe. Innocent people would die—but when Reiner thinks of that, he only considers the inconvenience it could cause. He's trying to establish a treaty, isn't he? Dead civilians would hinder that.
Just a hindrance. Just collateral damage. Just bodies beneath a Titan's feet. Just another splash of blood on his soaking hands.
He'll hate himself for those thoughts later. He already hates himself for Shiganshina, Wall Maria, Trost, Marco. He doesn't know the exact number of corpses piled at his feet; no one does. All he knows is that it's upward of two hundred and sixty thousand—if he can be blamed for Paradis' government sacrificing their own people for more food. (He can be blamed. Of course he can be blamed. He's the one who barreled through that wall and tore away their land.)
For now, Reiner just watches, savoring the crack in Eren's calm demeanor. There's probably something wrong with Reiner, choosing anger over neutrality. But then again, he's always pushed for reactions. He's always wanted people to see him. And Eren does see him; Eren sees him for the mass-murdering piece of shit that he is.
At least, that's what Reiner thinks. Then Eren keeps talking, his fists clenching, and a sense of unease coils in Reiner's gut, cutting through the taste of victory. Too late, he realizes that Eren's anger isn't directed at him. Too late, he realizes that Eren is … what? Empathizing?
What the fuck. What the hell is Reiner supposed to do with that…?!
Suddenly, he wants to scream at Eren. He wants to demand that Eren hold him accountable. He wants to be back in a place he understands. He wants to be that ignorant child damning hundreds of thousands to death because it would make him a hero. He wants Bertolt; he wants Annie. He wants to believe his mother's words.
So he spits them out, poison on his tongue. "Yeah, you were stupid. Blame your king for that. Or blame your ancestors for abandoning us, running away and hiding."
Propaganda poured into his mind from his mother's lips, bedtime stories of devils intertwined with hatred of their blood, tears running down her cheeks as she wished they could be Marleyan, not Eldian. He doesn't know if the propaganda is true or not. It spills out of him anyway, a precursor to the rush that follows, rapid-fire, voice rising slightly as his emotions take hold.
"You think I don't know how old I was? You think I don't know about the lies? So what if I was an ignorant kid? So what, Eren?" He spreads his hands, too clean, no mirroring steam rising from his palms. "Is that gonna bring anyone back? No! So what difference does it make? It doesn't matter what I did or didn't know or what it did to me. It doesn't matter that I lived there too long and I care about you. It doesn't change anything."
That's too much. Too revealing. But Reiner can't yank the words back into his mouth. At least he's not shouting this time.
He scoffs, lowering his voice. "Are you still looking for an apology? Is that why you've stopped running? Or is there something else you want from me?" And then, acting on an impulse more brazen than he feels: "Because I can think of plenty I want from you."
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There is anger on his face at those words.
Blame your ancestors for abandoning us.
"Don't recite that bullshit at me. Now who doesn't know anything about history?" he says. He can feel his jaw clench. It isn't Reiner's fault that he doesn't know. It isn't Reiner's fault that he parrots back whatever trash Marley fed him, half truths designed to pit them against each other forever, designed to make the Eldians trapped under Marley's control stay there and hate themselves about it.
"I am tired of paying for what our ancestors did or didn't do."
At least that is entirely true. All of this, two thousand fucking years of it that led them here, that will lead to more and more death, that will lead to someone he loves having to kill him, the sins of their ancestors.
But not my ancestors. Our ancestors. They're the same. Even if Reiner will never see it, and even if they stay enemies forever, their bloodline was always the same anyway.
He could let himself get angrier, fly off the handle and ruin whatever they might have (it's nothing, right, it can't ever be anything), but…he's saved for the moment because he is listening. He hears every single word, blood boiling with it until it isn't.
I care about you.
Present tense.
Damnit. All of this is so stupidly complicated. Eren's not even sure how he feels. All his hatred lingers, twists inside him as it has for years. But it's still not Reiner's fault, not really. In the end, it's still Marley that he hates, Marley and the rest of the world who were so afraid of their ancestors that they did all of this to them. Eren doesn't see himself as a victim; he sees their whole bloodline as victims.
He knows they weren't always, but what does that matter? The people alive in their generation weren't responsible for the atrocities from thousands of years ago. They can all hate Eren for all his atrocities. But somewhere, it has to end. Isn't that why he can't go home? If he goes home, he still has to make this all end, and there is never going to be another answer.
"No," he says, and his voice is even again. "It doesn't change anything. And I don't want an apology."
He raises an eyebrow at that last part, though. That's interesting, Reiner just saying it outright like that. Eren could play coy, pretend he has no idea, choose anger and violence and tragedy like he has done over and over since he was a child.
Or he could choose those things on other terms, maybe, in other ways. That's a lot more attractive than anger, than regret, than the confusion of the time between them and the things they do and do not know.
He puts his elbow on the table and leans his chin on his hand. There will be blood on his face, just a little, from the healed cuts his nails caused. He doesn't look at all casual; it's too late to get his composure back and he knows it but he pretends at it anyway.
"Is that why you came with me?" Eren asks, and this time he's the one staring at Reiner's mouth instead of the other way around. They don't really need to keep going; technically he got the answer he wanted, or he thinks he did. He has a better idea of when in time Reiner is, a better idea of what information he could play against him later if he needs or wants to.
That's not all he needs or wants, though, and if Reiner isn't going to hide it then why should Eren?
We're the same, Reiner.
"Maybe that's why I asked."
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Reiner is a weapon. He's been one since he was ten years old. Quartered his life for the chance of having a father; sacrificed his future to earn his mother's love. Even when he learned that Paradis wasn't full of devils—even when he might've thrown himself at their mercy, worked with his fellow Eldians instead of against them—he didn't rebel. His loyalty to his hometown goes too deep, his desire to return home the only thing carrying him through each day.
He doesn't know what's wrong or right anymore. So he stays the course, pushing himself forward in the only way he knows how. Brushing off attacks and barreling on as if he's wrapped in his Armor instead of clinging to his shredded identity, choking on guilt and self-hatred and an ocean of blood.
Marley valued Reiner's perseverance. At least he still has that, even if it's slowly killing him.
Eren doesn't ask for an apology, though. A small mercy. Even if Reiner could make himself say the words, they would be insufficient, meaningless. It's like he said: it wouldn't change anything. All the guilt, all the regret, all the wishful thinking—it doesn't change a damn thing.
Just do what you have to do. Just keep moving forward. It's all we can do.
Isn't that what he told Eren back when things were simpler?
So Reiner keeps moving forward. Watches as Eren raises his eyebrows, then rests his chin on a hand, an attempt at acting casual. There will be blood on Eren's cheek after that. Reiner hopes he can lick it off.
Annie would be disgusted with him for doing this. Bertolt's reaction would be more difficult to predict: displeased, certainly. But it's not as though Reiner never fucked around before. Civilians, mostly: island devils who invited him into their homes, their beds. A member of the Garrison once or twice before Reiner realized he didn't want anyone in Paradis' military to see him like that.
Yet here he is, sane as he can ever hope to be, staring across a table at Eren Jaeger. The keystone of Paradis' offense. The one person who could fight Reiner to a standstill even as a Titan. The one person born on Paradis that Reiner needs.
It's stupid. Reckless. Self-destructive, probably. Reiner should walk away. He should get up and walk away, retreat before he damns himself further.
Instead, he wets his lips, knowing that Eren is watching, his voice dropping an octave as he asks, "Then what are we doing sitting here?"
A challenge thrown between them. Another wall broken down.
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He doesn't really consider how the others would take this, whatever it is he's doing with Reiner. This is far from the shittiest thing he's done, after all. As long as he's only self-destructing and not actually killing civilians, who cares? Well, Reiner might get hurt but he can make his own decisions too. Whatever.
He only won't go home right now because of courtesy. He doesn't bring anyone home. He's not sure what kind of protocol you set up about things like this with your (ex) superior officer who doesn't quite trust you and who definitely doesn't want to know who you're fucking. Easier to just not.
He's still staring at Reiner's mouth. The other boy turns his own action around on him, licking his lips because he knows Eren is watching him. He keeps staring anyway. At least he's focused again, here in the present.
He shouldn't use people this way. They're using each other, he thinks. Of course they are. He likes to think he holds more cards, but that's only true in certain situations about certain things. He still longs for the touch he missed for so long before Folkmore (for much of the time he spent in Folkmore, too). He's still overreactive thanks to the memory thing from the metal titans. Emotionally raw from what happened to Jean.
Fighting would be simpler, maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this can be simple.
His eyes drift back up to Reiner's.
"You live alone?" he asks.
He knows it's a dangerous thing to do, an offer he's hinting at. This was so public and that won't be. It's practical, since he can't take anyone to his place. But he's giving Reiner the emotional home field advantage in a way, letting Eren -- someone he sees as a quarry, a would-be prisoner -- walk into his place like it's fine.
Or they could find another alley. He's not that picky, not ashamed of it by now. But he'd thought about this in a bed. Actually without clothes. Unhurried (just kidding, he's too impatient for that to work for long).
Or a hotel if they're still pretending this is neutral.
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Instead, Eren asks that question. And truthfully, it's not what Reiner expects. At best, he'd thought they might find somewhere semi-private—a dressing room, maybe, if Eren didn't demand Reiner kiss him right here. (Reiner would've done it, too, heedless of who might see.) But to have such privacy? To turn this whatever-it-is from something impulsive to something planned? To lay Eren down on a bed and strip him bare…?
This time, it's Reiner who smirks. "You're gonna let me take you home?"
It's not his home, not really. Home is across the sea and a world away. The apartment is just a place Reiner currently resides. But no other words would carry such weight. And he can't help but make that jab. Driving home how fucked up this is, even if it's only to himself.
Yet Reiner still wants it. Senseless, stupidly, he wants it. He wants Eren.
Reiner pushes himself to his feet, then scoops up his tray to discard what remains of his meal. It was good food, even if he focused more on Eren than the taste. It hits him, then, that they shared a meal together. Not as they did when they were trainees, everyone packed in together like cattle, Eren devouring his food with the same intensity he did everything else. No, they sat across from each other, shared a meal, then decided to go have sex.
Was this some kind of fucked up first date?
Reiner brushes the thought aside as soon as it hits, meeting Eren's eyes. Choosing to take action. That's more comfortable for both of them, isn't it?
"All right," he says. "Come on."